Inspired Lunacy

Disaster Down Under

2012-01-14T13:16:00.000-08:00

What's going wrong in Australia? Why has a team that is so fancied to be the first Indian team to win a test series in Australia performed so badly? More importantly, why are the fans so upset?

Firstly, let's take a look at why it matters so much to the Indian fan to win a series in Australia. After all, we haven't won a Test series in South Africa either. We've barely managed to win 3 series against England, and one in Pakistan in over 80 years. Why then, Australia?

The English have as fragile a psyche as the Indians. The South Africans are good, but well-known chokers. The New Zealanders haven't ever been strong enough to matter. Pakistan does matter, but that is for different reasons. But the Australians, they're different.

Even the weakest team to represent Australia has never ever abjectly capitulated to any team at home, least of all to India. The Australians, they say, have the never say die spirit. They never give you anything easy, you have to work for it. This isn't talk - you see it time and time again in action. This is what makes it all the more rewarding to win anything in Australia - because nothing comes easily here.

Add a country that loves "mental disintegration", and a country that has a "holier-than-thou" attitude towards racism, and there's a prize, a "revenge" Indian fans want more than anything else. It's not that Australians don't lose, it's that even when they do, they almost never do so without a dogged effort - and that, more than anything, is what Indian fans want most from their own team. Unfortunately, overseas, it is something that we rarely get to see.

This is what hurts the most about the Indian team's performance over the last two and a half tests. We've been through a 4-0 drubbing just a few months back. That hurt, but not as much as this has. The Indian team in England this summer lost - but there was a semblance of a fight. The English rode roughshod over the Indian bowling - but even on the worst days, the Indian bowling, especially Praveen Kumar, ran in with some purpose. The batting was probably just as bad, but you had a Dravid standing tall amidst the ruins. You had someone learning from their mistakes, playing intelligently.

To be fair, the Indian bowling has done quite well so far (except for one innings in Sydney). However, the batting seems to just not seem to learn. The most experienced batsmen (excepting Tendulkar), seem to be repeating the same mistakes ad nauseum. Sehwag will swish and get out. Gambhir will poke & fend. Laxman will give catching practice behind the wicket. This either proves they are unable, or unwilling to learn. Neither of which is acceptable to a fan when you've played over 50 Tests.

There's going to be a lot of angry opinions and suggestions being thrown about right now. Here's my list :

(1) We need to replace Laxman with Rohit Sharma. Laxman's overseas record in the last 7 tests limited to a couple of fifties.
(2) Stick with Virat Kohli - he deserves a chance - he hasn't done badly.
(3) Stick with Dravid - three bad tests cannot mean the end of a career
(4) Stick with Dhoni, but give him a break - he's one of the three best captains India has ever had. Captaining & keeping day in and day out in T20s, ODIs, Tests and the IPL is burning him out. Take him out of all T20 captaincy, and bilateral ODI series in India.
(5) We need a replacement opener for Gambhir. He has grit, but currently does not have the technique to cope with the challenges. This is a long term thing.
(6) We need to do something with Sehwag - but, to be honest, I have no idea what that is.

In 1999, the Indian team capitulated almost just as badly in Australia. The difference between then and now is that we know that we know how to win abroad. Deep down, no Indian fan is asking India to win every game. What we're asking now is the same thing we were asking in 1999 - we want them to show some intent, some purpose - some "never-say-die" spirit. It is unacceptable to see experienced batsmen getting out to an inexperienced bowling attack, no matter how good their line and length may be. The whole point of experience is the ability to play the good ball - either bide your time, or counterattack. This line-up has done neither.

Don't believe those who say there is no shame in getting out to good bowling. For batsmen of this caliber, to do it time and time again, it should feel utterly humiliating.

My PhD thesis : Anatomy of a mailstorm

2011-02-19T21:19:00.000-08:00

After spending several Fridays in my clever undercover role as an Indian techie in a ever shrinking large multinational corporation & playing several successful rounds of "delete the email as soon as it appears", I have come to successfully analyse the beast that is the corporate mailstorm.

A Mailstorm is always triggered when some misguided Johnny decides to do one of the following :

a) Helpfully inform a large group of people that a particular piece of equipment that they didn't know existed is now out of commission.

b) Subscribes to Borg thinking - in that the collective brains of many people will help him/her solve an intractable problem, by sending out an SOS.

What results, generally follows the pattern outlined below:

1) The genuinely outraged workaholics
These are the people who, in their effort to continue working productively & stop mailstorms, send mails asking why they are being bombarded with these pointless emails.
"Stop Replying All" & "Why am I subscribed to this group?" are their catchphrases

2) The mail etiquette nannies
As their name suggests, they are the self appointed guardians of mail etiquette. They're generally the next to reply, with the line "I've put the mailer list in Bcc, please reply to this & stop spamming everyone else".

3) The not so genuinely outraged workaholics
These are people who give us proof of existence of Newton's Third Law of Motion. Sensing the danger posed by the nannies to the future of the mailstorm, they immediately reply to the entire group asking the same set of questions as the first group - working hard to make the mailstorm reach its tipping point.

4) The wannabe pro-active
Living proof that "a little learning is a dangerous thing". These folks attempt to circumvent the lunacy filling up their inboxes, by "taking initiative" and unsubscribing from the group. Unfortunately, having only heard about this amazing concept, they attempt to do so by replying to the thread with only the word "unsubscribe" in the body. (And these are the people designing the cutting edge technology of the day)

5) The helpful flamers
These folks are the ones who feel it is their duty to help the poor, misguided souls in (4). They helpfully attempt to point out the proper procedure for unsubscribing from a mailer list (or, alternatively, how it is not possible to do so). Unfortunately for them, for every email they send with this information, you see the next 10 emails with "unsubscribe" in them.

6) The performers
These are the people who know how to take advantage of a good time! While the rest of them try to fight the tide - these folks swim with it, revel in it, and, for a brief period, make themselves stars in the eyes of all those watching.
Nothing is out of bounds for them for this brief attempt at glory & they email with gay abandon, sharing, among other things :
a) Recipes for their favorite foods (I've got a great chocolate cake recipe from a storm 2 years ago)
b) Relevant youtube clips (Monty Python's spam sketch is a popular one)
c) Full page rants against an explicitly named competitor
d) Pieces of wisdom - "Replying All to stop replying all is like having sex to achieve virginity" (gathered from the last mailstorm)

7) The parents
"Fear is the best way to deal with irrationality" is their maxim. In the misguided belief that everyone else is a child of two, they attempt to do with threats what the
mail etiquette nannies could not achieve with kindness. "They're tracking everyone who replies to this thread & those are the folks going in the next layoff" they say, betraying their sharp wit. This would be a credible threat, except when you check your company directory & see that some of the performers listed above are Senior Vice-Presidents.

8) The apologetic/defensive originators
At some point, after about an hour of agonizing over what they've done, you'll sometimes find the person who sent the original email either apologizing for the spam, or defending to the death the need for the mailer thread in the first place.

After this point, the storm goes one of the following ways

a) If the storm originated on a Friday (which, statistically speaking is the day 81% of all mailstorms occur), they die a natural death after lunchtime

b) Some spoilsport admins will take the entire mailer-group offline, stopping the free exchange of knowledge that has been going on.

Numerous studies have shown that a mailstorm is the best way to start unplanned 3 day weekends. In fact, the problems posed by overzealous admins cannot be understated here. It is a little known fact that the reason the unrest in the Middle-East tend to gather steam on Fridays, is due to the interruption of regular afternoon mailstorms.

Schweinsteiger

2010-06-13T23:38:00.000-07:00

A Sunday morning, a football match in the offing, and a name that is a delight to pronounce. (Plus some inspiration from Mr. Chuck Norris) Nothing quite captures the title of this blog like this latest post. (What am I talking about?)
Here's the result :

1) the only reason bastian schweinsteiger took up football, is because he kept failing exams as he couldn't finish them in time

2) The real reason germany had to unify, is because the name schweinsteiger was too big to fit in one country

3) bastian schweinsteiger - causing buffer overflows since 1984

4) 1 Schweinsteiger = 10 x tic tic one

5) schweinsteiger lost the use of his hands after he wrote his name, that's why he became a foot-baller

6) two-thirds of the world is covered by water, the rest is covered by the name schweinsteiger

7) schweinsteiger is the only last name that is visible from outer space

8) FIFA have made it illegal for Schweinsteiger to play goalie - apparently, his name is wide enough to cover the full goalmouth

9) How much space does the name Schweinsteiger occupy? Well, the Germans are thinking of going in with a 4-1-5 formation next game

10) The reason the Great Wall of China was built was so that the name Schweinsteiger could be written in Graffiti - once

11) Schweinsteiger does not give autographs - Schweinsteiger gives autobiographies

12) The reason Schwarzzeneggar ran away to California is because it is physically impossible for Schweinsteiger and Schwarzzeneggar to fit in one continent

13) Light can travel around the Earth 7 times in 1 second. Light cannot travel from one end of Schweinsteiger to another

14) Schweinsteiger has officially made a popular Mary Poppins song defunct (courtesy Amrita)

15) In the USA, the 3 second rule is one-mississippi, two-mississippi, three-mississippi. In Germany, the 10 second rule is one-Schweinsteiger

16) Scientists have discovered that the real reason the universe is expanding is not the Big Bang, but to accommodate the name Schweinsteiger

17) Schweinsteiger once decided to get a vanity license plate in his name. Today we call it the "Hollywood" sign

18) Other people have business cards. Schweinsteiger's is called the Encylopaedia Britannica

19) Sony invented the Blu-Ray to accommodate the name Schweinsteiger

20) The English Dictionary is a thousand pages long. The German dictionary has two thousand thanks to Schweinsteiger

21) In normal Football games, officials add injury time. When Schweinsteiger plays, they add Extra-time

22) Schweinsteiger's parents couldn't name his brother because he took up all the letters of the alphabet (courtesy : DK)

23) Bastian Schweinsteiger has the same number of letters as Chuck Norris and Rajnikanth combined

Mergers & Acquisitions

2009-03-27T14:04:00.000-07:00

With regards to this blog and this link that have inspired the style and content of this post.

No doubt emboldened by its successful monopolization of England's national game & more recently, the new English invention of the Twenty20, the BCCI has formally dissolved the Sri Lankan Cricket Board & has acquired rights to the national cricket team of Sri Lanka. "It was the next logical step in the expansion of cricket in the subcontinent", a senior board official was quoted as saying.

The decision has evoked sharp criticism in the broader cricketing community.
The association of cricketing statisticians has pointed out numerous problems that will arise as a result of this. "What will happen to the World Cup Semi-Final of 1996? Shall we treat it as a domestic game?", asked an aggrieved statistician.

The BCCI has, as usual, got its publicity machine in full swing, trying to smooth out the problems. "People always want to see the glass as half-empty", he said. "We prefer to see it as though the entire glass belongs to us".

"With this move, India would have 2 world cups under its belt", he pointed out, noting that this was the first time the BCCI would have contributed to an Indian World Cup victory. When someone pointed out that this would also mean that India would have lost the last 2 world cup finals to Australia, he responded by saying that appropriate action would be taken against those selectors, before realizing that they had already resigned a few months ago. A positive point, he said, would be that embarrassing selections of the past would be erased from memory. "We still can't figure out why Sunil Joshi or Noel David were picked. Thankfully, now, we won't have to", he said.

The government of India has also followed the lead of the cricket board & has suspended the Independence granted by the UK to Sri Lanka & amalgamated it into the Indian Union. "This was long overdue (sic.) geo-political move", a senior government official announced. "Since we all lie on the same tectonic plate, it is logical for us to unite", said the official, showing-off his knowledge of continental drift theory.

"The Sri Lankans have also shown an inability to govern themselves in areas where we are proficient. Had they been a part of us, then they too would have not toured Pakistan like us & not tossed cricket into turmoil. That was the last straw!", the official lamented.

The senior government official continued, "Now, since the conflict on the island is an internal matter, we can ask the news agencies to stop interfering in it. Also, we can grant statehood to the rebels without granting them nationhood, thus finding the middle path between the solutions posed by the rebels & the erstwhile government of Sri Lanka. Hence, we have also solved that conflict!",he triumphantly announced.

Not everyone was happy, though. Political parties in the state of Tamil Nadu have gone on hunger strike to protest the fact that now they have nothing to go on hunger strike against.

Nostalgia

2008-12-20T00:32:00.000-08:00

Today, as I was sitting around, surfing youtube, suddenly I felt a wave of nostalgia wash over me. It kind of started when I saw this montage after ages :

Television was so simple back then - pretty much everyone you knew watched the same programs, parents analysed the same newscasters, no matter how robotic the drone on the television was. The morning programs consisted of people doing exercise - which meant a sardarji in a grey jogging suit & some aunty in a blue jogging suit doing cross-toe touching(not exactly "Primebodies", but definitely interesting).

If you missed an episode of any TV serial - that was it, you'd missed it for pretty much forever. (I still remember a time when there was a minor hysteria when Doordarshan decided to retelecast an episode of Mahabharat on Tuesday - people could not believe that if they'd missed the Sunday episode, they could watch it again!!). "Aamchi Maati, Aamchi Manasa" was *the* program. (It had a pretty catchy theme song!)

The rainy season meant one thing to me - Wimbledon! Thanks to my dad, I was infused with this absolute sense of devotion/fascination/reverence toward Wimbledon. Nothing was more fun than coming home from school on a dark, rainy afternoon, and watching the semi-finals of Wimbledon in near darkness. Somehow, Prime Sports' (now Star Sports) full blown, overanalysed 2 week coverage never came close to DD's "Semi-Finals and Finals only" coverage.

And then you had those magical "National Integration" videos. This one took me ages to find :

Some of the shots are still pretty spectacular - especially the one with the deer leaping with P.T. Usha running. I remember my mom would always go a little weak at the knees when Venkat took the torch ;). For some reason, it always seems to me that Prakash Padukone looks like he got lost with the torch at the end.

And then there were the classic ads - the Liril girl, "Hamara Bajaj", "Pan Pasand", "Fevicol", "Vicco turmeric" & Rasna. And who can forget this all time classic :

Nor this piece - a brilliant ad!

And then there was cricket. One day cricket was easy enough to understand, but test cricket, with its concept of two innings was a deep, dark mystery. I recall being stumped as to what a victory by "an innings" meant. Upon consultation with an older friend (who went for "cricket coaching", and, therefore was wise in the ways of the game), I was informed that an "innings" consisted of 40 runs. Therefore, "an innings an 132 runs" victory margin meant a 172 run victory margin. Why then did they not call it a "four innings and 12 run" victory? I couldn't get an answer to that.

My earliest memories are of the succession of heartbreaking matches of the 1992 World Cup. Not the best way for a young kid to be indoctrinated into the nation's favorite passion. But the white ball zinging around, the crack of the bat on the ball, the colored uniforms & the athletic fielding combined with a scoreboard that counted runs in real time & a duck that appeared occasionally made the viewing irresistable.

It was probably around this time that we were introduced to Sachin Tendulkar. Not knowing much about cricket, one just assumed that this guy had pretty much being playing since time immemorial, the way people talked about him. The feeling of a nation holding its collective breath everytime he strode out to the crease was something that has to be experienced to be believed. Fortunately or unfortunately, the feeling ain't the same these days (Wow, I must be getting old!)

But, perhaps what I miss the most on TV is the ubiquitous, ever annoying yet much parodied : Rukawat ke liye khed hai. Wish I could find a video of that!

I'm back, Jack!

2008-11-04T22:30:00.000-08:00

Why is it that people who couldn't care less about voting in a country where they can make a difference, are so politically involved in one where they can't?

That's the thought that came to my mind when I saw a lot of people around me encouraging people to vote for the US election today. Now, let me clarify that I am not saying that these people didn't vote in their native countries. I, personally have not voted in my native country. It was just a greater question in my mind.

Why is it that people who may not vote in India, will be politically involved in the US? I don't know if I have the answers, but I do have some thoughts on it.
Every politician is a scoundrel. (Yes, I am a cynic)It is a lot easier, however, to be swayed by a scoundrel wearing a business suit & talking in a language you understand about issues which you are familiar with, rather than a candidate who wears a "loincloth" and screams in an uncouth manner in a language you may not be familiar with about issues you don't care about. Sure, charisma palys a huge part, but it stems from what I said above.

There is, however, a bigger question at hand. The question pertains to the participation in the political process of a country where one does not have the right to vote. Is this correct?

Let us consider this - if a large enough immigrant community comes into a country (legally) to seek a living (e.g. - on a work visa) & then participates and influences the political process in that country. Potentially, this has an impact on the fundamental right to choose, of the bonafide citizens of that country. The question is a simple one - act towards others the way you would want them to act towards you. If you are legally in a nation where you do not have a right to vote, you are essentially a guest there. If you attempt to influence the political process there, aren't you essentially overstepping your limits? That is why I disagree with the right of people who cannot vote in a country to attempt to influence the political process there.

Edited to add :
Never finished this blog in the first shot (that's what I get for blogging while watching TV). I just wanted to add - By the same token that a non-citizen should never attempt to influence the political process of a country, once you are a citizen of any country, you should have all the rights, unquestioned, of a "natural" citizen. This includes the right to being Prime Minister/President, whether or not you were born in that country.

Secondly, if you work and pay taxes in any country, but are not a citizen, you should not have the right to directly influence the political process (e.g. - by taking out protest marches/delegations to meet government executives). You should only be able to indirectly make your stand felt. (Through your employer if you are working somewhere, or through your embassy etc. in other cases)

A dash of class

2008-04-24T09:58:00.000-07:00

For ages, this blog has not been taken seriously by it's readers. It has been a place for mirth and enjoyment, but not the place one goes to when you need to read something serious and awe-inspiring. Today, we shall attempt to change that with this. For those interested in the original pdf of the above images, please leave a comment here and I shall make sure it reaches you. (Click on each image above for enlarged version)

The greatest batting you will ever see in your lifetime!

2008-03-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

Few of us saw Sir Viv Richards at his peak. They say he gave the ball a mighty thump. However, the footage that we see of him today is poor, as it does not give one the true feel of his power. Yesterday, if you tuned in between lunch and tea for the Test between India and South Africa at Chennai, you probably had your best chance of seeing Sir Viv again.

There was a familiar banner at the ground yesterday when the opening partnership hit 200/0 - "South Africa - please take two wickets today, we want to see Sachin!" At the start of the day, it felt like a funny slogan, by the end of it, Graeme Smith might've seriously considered reporting the banner to the match referee!

This is an era of great Indian batsmen - Sachin, Laxman, Dravid & Ganguly.
Each a sight to watch when in full flow Yet, if one can find one flaw, it is that once they get going, you sense the outside chance that they might play a rash shot, or mistime something, or, worst of all, get out to a "soft" dismissal. In short, there's always this slight fear/hope at the back of your mind that they might get out the next ball.

Yesterday, Sehwag unwrapped an an innings that not just put to rest any such fears, it obliterated it! Some might say it was a flat, dead track & that the bowlers lacked penetration. They don't know what they're talking about. Yesterday, was singly the greatest, most brutal, savage butchering of a Test bowling attack ever recorded.
It's not as much that he scored quickly, it was the utter disdain with which each ball was treated. Let me re-emphasize that "each ball" - I mean that quite literally. Beyond a point, South Africa ran out of ideas, and just waited for the Earth to turn so they could get off the field. Bowlers trundled in, threw the ball at the batsman, and immediately turned back.

You could see that Sehwag didn't care a hang whether he got out, he was going after the ball - everybody knew this & no one could do anything about it. Nothing epitomised it as much as the last ball before tea. Everyone knew that Sehwag would, in all probability be going for it. He thumped Ntini's ball over extra cover, and turned back to the pavilion as the ball left the bat, as if saying "Frankly, I don't give a damn!". It was batting free from burden - of pressure, of statistics, of match situation, of bowling attack, of opposition. It was Zen. It was batting Nirvana. There was just the ball and Sehwag, and that's all that mattered!

The history text book comes to life!

2008-02-24T21:27:00.000-08:00

Just finished watching Jodhaa Akbar. The first thing that struck me was the length - 3hrs & 42 mins. One of the longest films ever! What struck me more was how it didn't ever feel that long. The story was by no means fantastic, but it was somewhere between being a documentary and a film. A notable point was how historically accurate the movie was (well, it tallied with the versions of history I know, and extrapolating from there, it must be pretty accurate - other than the name of the title character).

The movie begins with the Second Battle of Panipat. What was good about that was the pains which the director seems to have taken to get his facts right & he sets the tone pretty well. As a battle, it was decisive, for without it, there would have been no Mughal Dynasty (& no Taj Mahal!). As a war scene, somehow, it was better than the Lord of the Rings, in that you could feel that this battle actually mattered to you, and you knew the ramifications of its result(no effeminite long haired skateboarders here). One stray arrow changes the course of an entire nation's history - it's fascinating when you think about it that way.

The only issue I had was the characterization of Akbar. He is portrayed as a "man-who-can-do-no-wrong" when it came to administering his subjects. Somehow, that seems too good to be true (although it may be true).

There is a scene where Akbar decides to wander amongst his subjects - this was really interesting as it tried to show how the common man felt when Akbar (or any pre internet era monarch) reigned. Firstly, they would have no clue how he even looked. Frankly, the common man didn't seem to give a damn, which, when you think about it, isn't too different from today. It makes you realize that the common man was not something out of a textbook, he was just as any Indian you know today is.

It seems, however, that Ashutosh Gowarikar must have saved a bundle on paying his editors, for, simply put, there doesn't seem to have been any done! The song "Khwaja" makes you wonder what the director was thinking!

Hrithik does a very good job in portraying Akbar, and Aishwarya, well....the less said the better.

Overall, it's a really good film, especially if you remember any of your high school history, as it literally brings those pages to life. If you're expecting to watch an edge-of-your-seat, masala movie - I'd suggest Troy.

Neuroscience - the solution to the Bhajji-Symonds argument??

2008-01-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

The cricket world is in an uproar with regards to the Harbhajan - Symonds issue. While many blame racism, I beg to differ - the answer lies, but obviously, in the realm of neuroscience!

To help you better understand, you need to first be aware of the facts. These are outlined below.

"This is what happened before our confrontation," Symonds said in the Herald Sun. "Brett Lee had just sent down a delivery and Harbhajan took off down the wicket. When he was returning to his crease, he decided to hit Brett on the backside. I have no idea why he did it.

"I was standing nearby and when I saw what happened, I thought, 'Hold on, that's not on'. I'm a firm believer in sticking up for your team-mate so I stepped in and had a bit of a crack at Harbhajan, telling him exactly what I thought of his antics. He then had a shot back, which brings us to the situation we're facing."

Now, many believe that the basic problem is that Symonds accuses Harbhajan of calling him a "monkey" - a racist term. However, I think the crucial point has been missed by one and all.

Let us proceed logically, Symonds says "....he decided to hit Brett on the backside. I have no idea why he did it......"I was standing nearby and when I saw what happened, I thought, 'Hold on, that's not on'."

This raises two obvious questions.

1) Brett Lee was allegedly hit in the rump (touchy, derriere, JLo etc.) by Harbhajan.
Brett Lee did not complain about anything (that we are aware of). Why? Is it because his he really enjoyed it? Or perhaps, his nerve endings are a little off?

Medical science tells us that the backside has a lower concentration of nerve endings than most other parts. However, people still manage to feel it when they are hit on the Beyonce. How is it then, that Brett Lee, a supremely fit athlete, did not? One must, therefore, logically conclude that there is a problem with his nerve endings, a problem for pure neuroscience!

Another major point is that Symonds thought "..it was not on....I'm a firm believer in sticking up for your team-mate".
Now, why did Symonds think it was not on? We have seen the Aussies celebrate wickets on TV, and slapping the hindquarters is one way of congratulating your teammate (watch it next time if you don't believe me). Perhaps Symonds felt his territory was being threatened? It would certainly make sense, as team bonding is a valuable tool. Perhaps he felt Bhajji and Brett might become very good friends after that (chaddi-buddies/langotiya yaars, if you will), and this might take away some of Brett's hostility? Obviously, Brett Lee did not think there was any such danger, as his lack of action later proved.

One must, in the end, not forget what started the whole thing, "...Harbhajan took off down the wicket. When he was returning to his crease, he decided to hit Brett on the backside...."
Why did Harbhajan do this? Did he felt he could reduce Brett's hostilities by befriending him? Perhaps, in the light of what transpired, it was a deviously calculated ploy to elicit the necessary response from Symonds - Australia's best batsman in the first innings. We are all aware that teams today watch videos of their opponents before games to strategize. Perhaps this was one of those cunning stratagems? Whatever be Bhajji's intention, we may never ever actually know!

Perhaps, then, it's not just a matter for neuroscience, we must consult the psychologists as well!!

The Sydney Fiasco (BollyLine)

2008-01-08T18:11:00.000-08:00

Ok. Here's my $0.02 about the whole Sydney fiasco.
Firstly, there is the umpiring. Bad decisions are part of umpiring. The human element makes that inevitable. Having been at the receiving end of some shockers throughout the match, I give India credit for the way they not only stayed in, but strangled the Aussie run machine in spite of a weak bowling attack. They also kept their calm thorough the umpiring throughout the match and got on with the game.

I do not believe Andrew Symonds or Ricky Ponting did anything wrong by not walking. Never in cricket history has anyone walked consistently, and asking them to do so is being naive and irrational. A batsman is perfectly entitled to stay until the umpire gives him marching orders. Yes, even if he is clean bowled, there is nothing that prevents him from staying, aside from looking extremely foolish. Symonds had 4 lives today, tomorrow, he could get 4 bad decisions. None of this reflects in any way on the integrity of the player in question.

I did not personally have any problem with the Dravid decision - it was lousy, but it happens. The Ganguly matter is not so straightforward. Since the captains had agreed before the Test series that they would take the opposing captains word on the catches, Ponting signaling "out" is perfectly justified. I do not believe Ponting or Clarke are cheats, and I believe Clarke was genuinely certain that he had taken it cleanly, and Ponting knows Clarke well enough to take his word on it.

The problem I have with that decision, is what Mark Benson (the umpire) did. Now, according to the rules, he is supposed to consult with the square leg umpire first (a ridiculous notion, given that Bucknor was standing miles away, and would have been no use), and, if still unsure, go to the third umpire. This is procedure. By not following it, he has shown what can only be termed incompetence. Even allowing for the fact that he may have been aware of the agreement between the captains prior to the series, making such a call on the fifth day of a close Test match, given what had transpired on the first four days, was - stupid.

I believe India is to blame for the loss. If your tailenders cannot survive 2 overs to draw a Test match, against the bowling of a part timer, you don't deserve to win. That's pretty plain.

The most controversial issue - the alleged comments by Harbhajan towards Symonds. Personally, I'm pretty sure Bhajji must have probably said the M-word, after being provoked by Symonds. Bhajji isn't the most calm character on the field, and has a rather limited vocabulary at heated moments. What I find ridiculous is Ponting's decision to report it to the match referee. I think he's acting a little precious. Being called a "b****rd" may be a term of endearment in Australia, but it is not so in the subcontinent or England. The Aussies are very clearly aware of this fact. Yet, I am sure that term is used fairly liberally. You don't see the Indians complaining to the match referee every time they play the Aussies now, do you?

The only real absurd thing in the match was Proctor's decision against Bhajji, based on hearsay. Whether Bhajji actually used it is irrelevant, you need to prove it, and you cannot take one man's word over another's.

I felt the Indians overreacted to the whole thing a tad. All they had to do was file an official complaint against Bucknor & Bensen with regards to the umpiring. They could also just have appealed Bhajji's ban within 24 hours (a procedure allowed by the rules), which would have ensured the ban would be suspended till the hearing. Creating a ruckus only makes you look like a bully - never a good idea. Muscling Bucknor out was unnecessary. Even if he did umpire and give bad decisions in Perth, he would have only hastened his own end.

Instead, the Indian team is now in a position where they have lost focus slightly - not a good idea. Based on their performance in the last test, I believe this team is good enough to square the series. However, given the drama that has ensued, I now have my doubts regarding their focus.

Lastly, I found Kumble's conduct as a captain fantastic. Staying around to shake hands with the umpires and the Aussies after a heartbreaking last over, and a rough Test match, shows a man who genuinely believes in the spirit of the game. He does not just talk the talk, he walks the walk. (FYI - The Indians have no "signed" personal code of conduct) No one can ever argue with that!

We lost

2008-01-06T00:38:00.001-08:00

Another Sydney Test match comes to a close. Australia have won their 16th consecutive Test match. India have lost yet again.

India had the world champions Australia down at 6/134 on the first day.
We lost!
India were trailing Australia by 118 runs with 3 wickets in hand, and ended up with a lead of 69.
We lost!
VVS Laxman scored a brilliant counterattacking century.
We lost!
Tendulkar made the most measured, intelligent century of his career.
We lost!
Harbhajan had the world's best batsman out first ball for the 5th time.
We lost!
Ishant Sharma & RP Singh had the Aussies crawling at 2 runs per over.
We lost!
The Aussies took 1 full day to score 282 runs against an attack of Sharma,Singh, Singh & Kumble.
We lost!
The best team in 130 years had to wait with 8 minutes to go on the 5th day of a Test Match on their Home Ground for a victory against an Indian team with an inexperienced bowling attack.
We lost?

Enthusiasm

2007-11-07T23:52:00.000-08:00

Enthusiasm - it's fantastic, isn't it? What you can do when you are motivated to do it. It's infectious. The effect on a group of people is evident - they get inspired to do new things, or to do simple things differently.

Think of any group dynamic you've had - you probably were driven by the enthusiastic person - the one who would, for some inexplicable reason, decide to do something because it could be done, leave aside how much sense it made at the time. These people were probably the ones who ended up dragging you to new experiences, they made life interesting. Somehow, you could never quite seem to figure out how or why they did what they did - but you were glad they did it al the same.

It's kind of hard to understand people who aren't enthusiastic. People who you know will never say "Yes, let's do it!" Their expected response is always "No!" These people are never fun to hang around with - to put it simply, they are killjoys. It's not like they'll have anything to do themselves, it's just that they don't want to do whatever it is you want to do. Ordinarily, this would be put down to having different interests, but when they do it repeatedly without an apparent reason, you wonder why they even exist?

Self enthusiasm - the enthusiasm that does not serve to infect a group of people, is nothing but vanity, fear or cowardice - a self centredness that will never do any good.

Being enthusiastic can be difficult, it can be tiring. There are fewer unpardonable things than repeatedly destroying the vivacity of an enthusiastic person. Enthusiastic people are pretty amazing! They're the kind of people you never want to not be around - when you reach that stage, you know you are a pretty enthusiastic person yourself!

So, here's to the enthusiastic people - people who'll never give up trying something new; people who'll never stop trying to make others start something new; people who'll amplify any small idea you have until it seems the best idea in the world, and, by doing so, will crush any negativity left in you! May you live long and prosper!

Of Andrew Symonds, and all that Jazz

2007-10-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

So the Australian visit has finally ended, bringing to an end a rather acrimonious tour. Allegations of racism against Indian crowds is perhaps the legacy of this tour. As a person who has been in the crowd at the "infamous North Stand" at the Wankhede, I find these charges rather questionable.

Andrew Symonds may be the only black member of the Australian team, but that is not why he was so vilified by the crowds at Bombay. He essentially dug his own grave, and should have expected the reaction he got after his comments at the start of the tour. The Australians love playing mindgames with the opposition, often targetting the opposition's main man, in an effort to "mentally disintegrate" him. Rather grudgingly, Indians have learnt to deal with it, and accept it as a part of top level professional sport. However, the comments made by Symonds, seemed to go beyond that. His statement "We have had a very successful side and I think watching how we celebrate and how they celebrate, I think we have been pretty humble in the way we have gone about it. And personally, I think they have got far too carried away with their celebrations. It has definitely sparked passion inside of us. It has certainly spiced it up as well.", may have been intended as a psychological ploy to needle India - it worked. Unfortunately, he overstepped his bounds by targetting the celebration - which was none of his business.

I do not know about the crowds at Baroda, but the Bombay crowd is one that does not forget details easily. I'm sure they were out for Symonds blood the moment he made that comment, and giving them information that "monkey" chants hurt Symonds was tossing things from the frying pan to the fire. I do not believe that the crowd was trying to be racist - just getting their own back at a person who had invaded their turf. The Wankhede crowd, of late, has degenerated in its comments from the hitherto witty (Madhuri ka Bhai kaun?...Jadeja, Jadeja) to the downright unimaginative(xxx is a b***ard, aye-o aye-o). The reception Symonds got when he walked out to bat was something he should have expected, given that he has played in Bombay before, and he knew that the crowds there are hostile at the best of times. If he got out to a first ball duck because he was "affected by the crowd behavior", then he should either learn to curb his comments, or retire. To paraphrase Steve Waugh's words - "That's ODI cricket. If you want to take up an easy sport,try netball." Symonds could have saved himself the reception he got if he had apologized for his remarks before the game began - the Wankhede crowd would have still got after him, but would have tempered their aggro.

Apocalypse - II : Phoenix

2007-10-10T11:41:00.001-07:00

It was the end of the workday. Like any other day, he stepped out of his building, on his way home. Suddenly, he felt the weather change. It was different today; a gigantic mass of cloud was swirling in the sky. The cold wind was howling through the grey, overcast heavens. There was an eerie feel about it. He could sense it around him.
The wind was now practically screeching, forcing the mass of cloud into a whirlpool. He walked on, partially hoping the eerie feeling would disappear from around him. Almost suddenly, the feeling was no longer around him…..it was in him! He could feel a change coming over him. His thoughts, usually clouded and uncertain, were now crystal clear, sharp, focused. His mind was occupied with one, pure thought – absolute and total evil. He could feel it flowing through his every vein, rippling from every sinew, as the last shred of morality was ripped away from his being. He cast a glance around him, the traffic was growing smaller. He looked above; the eye of the whirlpool was now coming closer to him, or, as he realized an instant later, he was growing closer to it. His body began to expand to gargantuan proportions, amplifying every merciless, evil thought in him. Now, his head was above the clouds, as his hair brushed the cool fabric of the eternal darkness above. The stars had stopped twinkling. The sun now burnt in one, never ending flame against the enveloping blackness. He glanced down at the pale blue dot beneath his feet. The planet that had given birth to him was now nothing more than a tiny, shrinking sphere. He cast his eyes around him, at his new home – the vast playground of space. He could now feel it, feel it within him – the symphony of a universe he had once helped create, a universe that was now calling him back – to take his rightful place, among the cosmic behemoths that had once created it, and now, would have to do it again…..

Memories of a simpler time

2007-08-17T10:23:00.001-07:00

A time before computers, video games, job, college, I-pod etc.

1) In pin septi pin, in pin out, take your septi pin and get out

2) oh god please tell me which one will be the denner in this very fairy (?!) game, A, E, I, O, U and that spells on YOU!

3) no backs!

4) Majorityyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Wins!

5) nuthout!, bye-runner, mini-over, one-time out, two-time out, 2 declared, Sarpatti

6) Thappa, Time Please

anyone remember any more?

The Eleventh Commandment

2007-07-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

Never go shopping with women. It strongly convinces you - those who underwent medieval torture were the lucky ones. The history of the world may have been different if Germany had invented malls in the 1940s, and ordered their POWs to shop with their women.

Mall shopping is the worst of the lot. Now, you have hundreds of stores crammed into one little place, where women can merrily wander around, with you in tow. What's the torture part you ask? Well, for starters, no shop seems to have chairs for men to rest their tired legs. Secondly, "shopping" to women is not the same as shopping to men. Shopping to men essentially means buying things which you need/want. Shopping to women is essentially the process of looking around for things that they may need. It is the seemingly pointless wandering around that is shopping - it's the journey, not the destination. Ironically, most women then cannot understand how men watch a game which can stretch for five days and have no result! (At least there's Lunch and Tea!)

This also answers another age old question - why do men never ask for directions? The answer is simple, those directions proabably lead to a mall somewhere!

Rajni

2007-07-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

Saw Shivaji - the B.O.S.S. a couple of weeks back. Of all the things I thought I'd be doing for the first time in the U.S. - watching a Rajni movie in the theater was not one of them. Man - what an experience! There was nothing spectacular about the story, the acting, the music or the effects - but that all does not matter. The only reason to watch the movie is : Rajni. The funny thing is, even though the heroine actually looks spectacular for once (for someone from the south), it's hard to concentrate on anyone but a slow moving 50+ year old Rajnikanth in the songs - even with the skin show.

The movie did have its highlights - the gun scene to upstage the famous Mithun "2 gun over the wall shooting". The website where he finds a list of all people with black money in India (still nothing compared to "naanima" in Humraaz). Rajni's ability to not only break the laws of mechanics, but also current electricity for good measure! And of course, Rajni is 10 times better than Keanu whatsisname!

The best part was that I missed an hour of the movie, and yet at no stage felt that I missed anything!

So, if you've not seen the movie yet, I'd urge you to go and see it asap in the theater. It's certainly better than the "Oscar" fare about "epic tales" which is dished out year after year. This is truly great cinema. The only thing i'm looking forward to even more is of course, the one and only: "Aap ka Saroor". Ah! Great things await us! I believe there's already a sequel in the works for that one!

Crash Test Dummy

2007-04-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

A public service message compliments of yours truly - who is grateful that my passenger, and me are uninjured.

In case you ever wonder whether you should get a car with airbags (always get 2) or not - maybe this will help make up your mind. And yeah, always wear seatbelts, not just because it's the law.

If you're of the opinion that airbags and seatbelts are only needed if you drive at high speeds (an impossibility in Bombay), keep in mind that this incident occured at not more than 15 mph (24 kmph)

The mandatory World Cup post....

2007-03-26T15:58:00.000-07:00

And so, the World Cup has come and gone. The saddest part about the whole thing is that with India & Pakistan's exit, any chances of having Indians and Pakistanis cheering for their teams here have also evaporated.

If there is one thing that I sorely miss in this country, it is the indescribable atmosphere that builds up before a major cricket match. Schools, Colleges, Offices, all fall victim to that nervous anticipation. It sweeps all those who come before it. Like it or hate it, but you cannot ignore it (even those so-called, self confessed "cricket haters"). If you have been one of those people who have "stuck their head in the sand" when these matches approach, I pity you. You have missed out on a spectacular experience.

The post-mortem of the dismal showing will have surely begun. A few hard decisions will have to be taken. One of these might be the dropping of Sachin Tendulkar. His form over the last few years has been patchy, with sparkling brilliance punctuated by large periods of mediocrity. If this seems too drastic a step, then we can begin by dropping him for crunch games. It is clear that he does not perform upto scratch in most of these games. This may provide the necessary tonic for him to aim to perform better in these games. Who do we replace him with? That's a great question, one which has no easy answers. As coach, Greg Chappell must leave. His experimentation may have had some method, but in the end, we can only see the madness. In essence, instead of building after 2003, we have gone slowly downhill, fooling no one but ourselves in the process. I would favor Steve Waugh for the position, but it is unclear whether he is open to coaching.

The Doctor of .....ummm...errr....

2007-01-10T18:23:00.000-08:00

An article from the Times of India (Jan 11, 2007):

36-24-36: Stat that appealed down the ages

Ancient Indian, Chinese, British Texts Reveal Power Of Figure

Julie Wheldon

An hourglass figure is more than just a fancy of fashion. Scientists believe the waspish waist has “universal and timeless appeal” that crosses a variety of generations and cultures. Now they have the figures to prove it. And it will also help explain the popularity of glamourous women ranging from Sophia Loren and Marilyn Monroe to Kylie Minogue. The research is based on analysis of almost 350,000 works of fiction from Britain and the US.
The scientists studied the various works to see how often, and in what manner, writers referred to the female waist. As a comparison they also picked out references to other parts of the body including the breasts, hips, legs, thighs and buttocks. They then repeated the experiment with Mahabharata and Ramayana between the 1st and 3rd century and Chinese dynastic Palace poetry between the 4th and 6th century.
They found breasts received the most mentions, cropping up 219 times. However, on only 16 occasions was the shape or size referred to as well. There were however 66 references to waists — with every single one specifying a slim waist. This was important because it showed waists were considered attractive, regardless of culture and before the influence of mass media.
Lead researcher Devendra Singh of the University of Texas said: “The common historical assumption in the social sciences has been that the standards of beauty are arbitrary, solely culturally determined and in the eye of the beholder.”
“The finding that the writers describe a small waist as beautiful suggests instead that this body part — a known marker of health and fertility — is a core feature of feminine beauty that transcends ethnic differences and cultures.” The Indian and Chinese literature in the study featured very different depictions of women. Indian artists showed naked bodies sometimes in sexual acts, while the Chinese tradition did not sanction this. DAILY MAIL

Forgive me for being too much of a geek, but my first thought on reading this was: "What did this chappie put down on his Statement of Purpose when he applied?"

"I have been noticing women since I can remember. I have always been curious to know how their waist size has been defined through time, and I feel that a PhD. in this field is something I am well equipped for." ?

or perhaps

"I like women, I like numbers, I like history and I would like to put these three together towards my Doctor of Philosophy studies" ?

Having been at an institute where people genuinely work hard on their research topics and write papers which usually read something like:

"An Algorithm to determine the optimal nature of blah blah blah in a blah blah environment" , a paper which went:

"Female body parts - a count" is something one does not usually come across.

People here run thousands of simulations, analyse the data, and then try to extract results. Had it been well known that it is possible to get a PhD for counting the number of occurences of the word "breast" in ancient texts , I am sure there would have been a lot more interesting research topics.

So, for all of you who have dreamed of that elusive title - PhD, or those who are stuck for a thesis topic - don't fret; all you need is a subscription to Playboy!

Apocalypse

2006-12-02T00:10:00.000-08:00

He took the last few steps in a journey that had begun aeons ago, when the earth was but a fireball, and mankind – a whisper in the darkness. He had come close many times before, but the pettiest of mistakes in timing had often cost him his ultimate prize.

But this time, it was different – he was close to the end, the last few steps in an endgame that had lasted millennia. Finally, the moment arrived, as he took his last, hesitant step, and stood in position - in the most sacred of all places in the Cosmos – among the blazing electric lights, brighter than a second Sun, surrounded by towers that stood like bastions of the night sky – the heart of Times Square!

It was as though the last pawn had moved into place in a cosmic game of chess. For, across vast galaxies in its heart, nine hundred and ninety nine men had already moved into position since the dawn of time, watching....waiting.

The universe paused for an instant, as though taking stock of a reality it had never believed would come about. A deep, thunderous rumble began to take shape from somewhere within its depths, rising towards a biblical crescendo - a sound of doom like nothing that would ever be heard again. Then, as it had been deemed before its creation, slowly....steadily, its very fabric started to unravel.

He looked up at the heart of darkness, and this time, he knew he had made no mistake. Within moments, the smooth, glistening blackness above him was torn asunder – with brilliance that was more terrifying than anything that had ever been experienced before – like the symphony of a billion suns.

The ground around his feet began to cleave, and he rose on a pillar, coolly, calmly; thrust in a trice deep into the heart of the cold, merciless darkness of outer space, towards that blinding inferno.....

Quick Post

2006-11-21T21:53:00.000-08:00

A long overdue post, so I'll keep it short. Some observations on people from different parts of this country.

Texas - big hearted, generous, warm and polite.
Georgia - inconsequential*
California - rude, mannerless and lacking courtesy
New York - busy
Wisconsin - drunk

*except for peaches

Chasing Orion into the Rising Sun

2006-10-23T22:47:00.000-07:00

OK. The raison d'etre for this post is just the title. Like with
a friend, the title just popped into my head, and I had to write something about it.

It was Diwali, and I was on my way to the City of Angels on an overnight bus ride. At around 3 a.m. in the morning, nodding off at the window, I just chanced to look up at the night sky - Lo and Behold!

The constellation of Orion; each star scintillating! Resplendant! Set against the pitch blackness of the cool Californian night sky. There is something magical about travelling across the planet Earth, racing across a small strip of land in southern California, surrounded by mountains, and watching Orion and Sirius shine brightly at you through the pitch blackness, slowly sliding out of view, as the Sun prepares to rise in a few short hours....

What they don't teach you..........

2006-10-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

The corporation! The cornerstone of industry today! It is a truly marvellous, stable structure! A well defined hierarchy, efficient processes, etc etc. What is the requirement for any stable structure? That's right - it should never be top heavy!

This is precisely the reason why managers necessarily must be the people who know the least! If they knew more than the folks at the bottom, the entire organization would be in jeopardy! The less you know, the higher you go!

However, this is not something easily achievable. Oh no! If it was, any half competent person would lead the organization. Nope, it's not that easy. Fortunately, we have the B-schools, the cradle of industry, the nursery of new talent!

How does a B-school work? Well, it is unlike any other educational institution anyone has ever attended! You see, all your life, you have been told how to do the job. Here's a place where they have to teach you how not to do the job. (Yield not to temptation!) Before you start laughing, it's not as easy as you think! It is a matter of undoing 16 years of "education".

Ever spoken to a person when they were at a B-school? What's the first thing you hear? "Hey, I'm busy, got a killer assignment! " etc etc. Why's that? 'Cos that's the first rule of management! It would never do for future managers to say, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!".

For two years, these folks rush to class every morning, where they sit....and stare! Try doing it for two years - only then will you appreciate how tough it is! For, they are only shown the path, they must walk it themselves! After two years of sitting around doing nothing, somewhere along the line, realization dawns - "Aha!", they say, "Management!" (Nope, no nudist runs down the street, sorry)

However, as with most bastions of power, these are closely guarded secrets. Try asking a managerial student anything. Odds are you'll here a bunch of esoteric acronyms, with the rather explicit comment - "but you won't get it, you gotta be here to find out." Makes sense, doesn't it? If everyone realizes as a kid that by goofing off right from the beginning, they can blaze their way up the corporate ladder, there would be no one left to do the work!

The natural question that then arises - "Why are B-schools so expensive?" Think about it, wouldn't you be charging exorbetant amounts if it was your job to randomly knock on people's doors throughout the night so they don't get sleep?

What they don't teach you in History class...

2006-10-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

OK, so it's a bad take on the title of a book. They say that you learn more in one mile of travel than you do after reading a thousand pages. And that, I have found, is absolutely true. History, it seems, has been widely misinterpreted over the ages. Here are a few facts that will make your head spin (in many senses of that phrase)

Misnomer: Colonialism was because the European powers wanted to expand their trade and commerce.

Fact: This is actually a well known rumor. The fact of the matter is that there were several reasons for colonization.

Firstly, you may wonder why it was that of the British Isles, only the English colonized the entire world, and why they, amongst the European powers were the most successful. The answer, is quite, "Elementary".

The Scottish, the Irish, and the Welsh did try their hand at colonization. However, the moment the Scottish ships started to play the bagpipes, Poseidon took it as a task unto himself to make sure that that infernal music was cut out immediately! Therefore, no Scottish ship ever made it out of the territorial waters of Scotland.

The Irish did try, bless those hardworking souls. But, then, there is only so far one can steer a ship on ten bottles of whisky.

The Welsh - well, frankly, who understands them.

The English, however, had the perfect, motivation. Yes, you guessed it! Food!
After a thousand years of eating bread and cheese, they were fed up. "Blimey!" some bright blighter must've yelled, "I'm tired of living in a place, where the delicacy is something called 'Spotted Dick with Custard'! ". (author's note: folks, I am NOT making this up!) Anyone who has ever tasted British cooking would certainly agree. And so, led by their stomach, they made a beeline for the culinary heartland of the planet.

The French were obviously disadvantaged here, as they could cook to save their lives. Their ultimate downfall lay in the fact that they spoke French. Enough said.
(This is also why people take Canada only half as seriously as they should. This is also why people in Quebec are well fed, whereas people in British Columbia are starving)

Misnomer: Columbus failed in his mission to reach India by sailing the other way

Fact: Columbus wasn't a fool. Unfortunately, his love for India was what led to his ultimate downfall. You see, Columbus did achieve his goal. It's just that he gave up half way. He got to the right place all right, but just to the wrong coast. Had he just travelled 2500 miles more west, he would've hit paydirt! Indians as far as the eye can see! (He could've swung an Indian, and hit two more Indians busy coding something). I am talking, of course, about California.

However, the fault is not entirely his. Reports are sketchy, but it is said that he was using some software written by a certain well known company from a far off land. Sources say that it was not documented properly...

Laundry

2006-10-08T21:24:00.000-07:00

"Live life to the fullest!" , so the saying goes. Whoever said that must have definitely been living in their birthday suit. For, if there is one thing on Earth that is the great leveller, it is laundry.

The problem is not a new one. Adam and Eve, contrary to popular belief were not driven out of Eden by God because they ate the forbidden fruit. Oh no! In fact, apart from a few doctors, no one protested when they ate the apple. However, seven days later, even God could not stand the rather noisome fig leaves.

The problem of dirty laundry came very close to being solved twice in the past. The first was during the Indus Valley civilization, when, along with well planned cities and modern drainage systems, they also invented the washing machine. However, these were unusable.

Archimedes came close when realization dawned on him that "No laundry is better than dirty laundry!". However, his subsequent arrest (the first known case of a streaker) immediately discouraged people from following his path.

It was not until the early 20th century that the washing machines could be used. (This leads one to the humorous story of how the inventor of the washing machine ended up dying due to an infection caused by dirty laundry. But one should never wash another's dirty linen in public)

It was the United States mint which finally unleashed the true potential of the washing machine when they struck the first 4 quarters. For until then, the machines had had slots for quarters, but nothing to put into them. (This also immediately led to the first documented case of money laundering, and therefore, the great depression)

Today, millions of Americans work hard day in and day out, so that they may earn enough dollars to be able to buy quarters to get their laundry done. Money market enthusiasts would be surprised to learn that a quarter currently trades at the rate of five dollars.

Disaster in Japan

2006-10-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

Well, disaster strikes in Japan! Schumi crashes out, while Alonso wins it. Frankly, I was extremely surprised that Felipe Massa didn't try to plow into Fernando Alonso at the start of the race and take him out of it. It would have been the perfect strategy, and would have ensured Schumi's eighth title. But, on we go to Brazil. Here's hoping that Massa ploughs Alonso out of the race in Brazil, and Schumi wins it!!!!!!!!!

Quiz Gratia Quizzing (A quiz for the love of Quizzing)

2006-10-07T19:27:00.000-07:00

Took part in a most extraordinary quiz today. Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, due to the existence of teleconferencing (in spite of management folks ruining it), a quiz at Atlanta,Georgia was attended by one person from Austin,Texas and one from Sunnyvale,California.

To put things in persective, it was a quiz that spanned the breadth of the continental United States (a coast to coast hookup), 3 different Time Zones and roughly 2500 miles. Brilliant!

Fantastic trivia quizzing, with many innovative questions, which was a welcome relief. It meant more scratching of the heads, and more working things out. Extremely satisfying! With just one sitter in a suite of 60 questions, one of the best quizzes in some time!

(For the record, before "Armchair Michael Jordan" bites my head off - yours truly did come first)

Is Astrology a Science?

2006-09-30T22:40:00.000-07:00

This is a question which has cropped up occasionally over the years. The funny thing is that this is a question asked by many educated people. So, is astrology a science?
Well, simply put: no, it is not.

Is is fun reading your horoscope in the paper? Sure, if you have nothing else to do.
Is it fun reading Linda Goodman's Sun Signs? (What! You don't read it???) Sure, it's humorous and full of hyperbole and exaggerations.

Unfortunately, that's not where it stops. People take it far too seriously. The danger starts when people base decisions on astrological charts rather than rationale, especially when the latter is freely available and more straightforward.

One of the fundamental principles of science is that it is subject to experimentation. If it can be proved by experiment, it can be more credibly accepted. This is one place where astrology fails miserably. A prediction about the future has no guarantees attached to it. No astrologer will explain it in a way that makes any rational sense. "Tomorrow is a bad day because Mars is in the third house."
Now, what does that mean?
Upon further inquiry, you might find that Mars representing war, and the third house (whatever that is) representing X part of the body is a bad combination (or something to that effect). But that's where it ends. Why something is so, in the end, comes down to accepting a set of rules which are sacrosanct. No science works this way.

A certain set of rules may be sacrosanct in a particular science for a certain period of time, but if they fail to explain observations, it's time to change these rules. Not so in astrology.

Another premise of science is that if an experiment is repeated under identical conditions in any other place in our universe, the results will be the same. This is again not true in astrology. The same planetary alignment could be interpreted favorably by some person in India, as a portent of doom by an American astrologer, and as indifferent by an Arabic one.

There may once have been a use for astrology in ancient days, when science was not advanced enough, and people not educated enough to reason certain things out. Therefore, rules of thumb were more efficient ways to handle things. However, many of those rules of thumb are outmoded today.

But, there's a case to not throw out the baby with the bathwater. Astrology, misguided as it is, did have some uses. Certain astrological warnings like: "Do not go out during a solar eclipse", do have a grain of truth attached to them. Staring at the sun during an eclipse is a highly dangerous activity, but not because Rahu is attacking, but because it is highly dangerous to view the sun at any time, even at a time when its brilliance is minescule, due to the dangerous electromagnetic radiation that can damage your eyes.

So, there's a simple scientific explanation. No hocus pocus, no jiggery pokery.
Similarly, as a friend and amateur astronomer pointed out, the position of the planets as captured in the horoscope is an accurate representation of the sky at that point in time.

So, does this mean that people will stop believing in astrology? That's like asking someone who has been using a crutch all his life to suddenly walk without it. Can it be done? Well, isn't that what education is supposed to be doing?

The Three Ages of Country

2006-09-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

So, back to Yankeeland. To a place that I have not seen before. For the Geographically challenged, this is how you tell where you are in this country:

If you're surrounded by African-Americans, you are in Atlanta.
If you're surrounded by White people, you're in Texas.
If you're surrounded by Desis, you're in California.

At least, a good rule of thumb to go by!

So, what's the difference between America, India and Europe? Or are they all the same in the end? I guess, after a year, certain aspects of life in these parts, and why they are so are making themselves clear.

The U.S. is a pretty young country - only 230 years old; and its attitude reflects this. It is a rebellious teenager, and most of the country is built like that. It is a paradise for teenagers - all the activities you can do, but very little of any meaning. (Oh, yeah, you even feel that it could do with a stern talking to at times!)A country built for the kid with the car, with miles to go before he does not sleep. Not much sense of community, especially since every kid is experimenting with new stuff here. Hard to stick around with the same set of folks. There is energy, but very little focus or purpose.

Europe is built for the young adult/middle aged person. Plenty of stuff to do, but also with some cultural activities to enlighten the mind. And, like people in this stage of life, it is the prime of civilization today. The realization that cars are not everything has dawned, and better systems and infrastructure is in place, to make even strangers feel welcome at once. The energy has been channelized towards something useful.

India is essentially - an old person. The infrastructure is broken down, normal functioning is down to an all time low, but, in spite of all that, life is still more enjoyable - without the need to work your butt off as you did in your prime. There is time to stand and stare; and quite a bit to stare at as well. The sense of community is paramount; after all, you realize after all these years that it is the people who you have around you that matter.

Having been brought up in an old man's home, makes one used to a certain level of don't-really-care, and also a certain level of community. Now living in a country that is essentially miles behind in such matters is an interesting prospect; it is like moving in with a bunch of kids, who've somehow become the head of the household.

Speech

2006-08-18T11:29:00.000-07:00

This is simply an awesome article by Douglas Adams. (If you don't fall asleep reading it). For an extempore speech - its brilliant! It's there in "The Salmon of Doubt".

Is There an Artificial God?

This was originally billed as a debate only because I was a bit anxious coming here. I didn't think I was going to have time to prepare anything and also, in a room full of such luminaries, I thought 'what could I, as an amateur, possibly have to say'? So I thought I would settle for a debate. But after having been here for a couple of days, I realised you're just a bunch of guys! It's been rife with ideas and I've had so many myself through talking with and listening to people that I'd thought what I'd do was stand up and have an argument and debate with myself. I'll talk for a while and hope sufficiently to provoke and inflame opinion that there'll be an outburst of chair- throwing at the end.

Before I embark on what I want to try and tackle, may I warn you that things may get a little bit lost from time to time, because there's a lot of stuff that's just come in from what we've been hearing today, so if I occasionally sort of go… I was telling somebody earlier today that I have a four-year-old daughter and was very, very interested watching her face when she was in her first 2 or 3 weeks of life and suddenly realising what nobody would have realised in previous ages—she was rebooting!

I just want to mention one thing, which is completely meaningless, but I am terribly proud of—I was born in Cambridge in 1952 and my initials are D N A!

The topic I want to introduce to you this evening, the subject of the debate that we are about to sort of not have, is a slightly facetious one (you'll be surprised to hear, but we'll see where we go with it)— ''Is there an Artificial God?'' I'm sure most of the people in this room will share the same view, but even as an out-and-out atheist one can't help noticing that the role of a god has had an enormously profound impact on human history over many, many centuries. It's very interesting to figure out where this came from and what, in the modern scientific world we sometimes hope against hope that we live in, it actually means.

I was thinking about this earlier today when Larry Yaeger was talking about 'what is life?' and mentioned at the end something I didn't know, about a special field of handwriting recognition. The following strange thought went through my mind: that trying to figure out what is life and what isn't and where the boundary is has an interesting relationship with how you recognise handwriting. We all know, when presented with any particular entity, whether it's a bit of mould from the fridge or whatever; we instinctively know when something is an example of life and when it isn't. But it turns out to be tremendously hard exactly to define it. I remember once, a long time ago, needing a definition of life for a speech I was giving. Assuming there was a simple one and looking around the Internet, I was astonished at how diverse the definitions were and how very, very detailed each one had to be in order to include 'this' but not include 'that'. If you think about it, a collection that includes a fruit fly and Richard Dawkins and the Great Barrier Reef is an awkward set of objects to try and compare. When we try and figure out what the rules are that we are looking for, trying to find a rule that's self-evidently true, that turns out to be very, very hard.

Compare this with the business of recognising whether something is an A or a B or a C. It's a similar kind of process, but it's also a very, very different process, because you may say of something that you're 'not quite certain whether it counts as life or not life, it's kind of there on the edge isn't it, it's probably a very low example of what you might call life, it's maybe just about alive or maybe it isn't'. Or maybe you might say about something that's an example of Digital life, 'does that count as being alive?' Is it something, to coin someone's earlier phrase, that'll go squish if you step on it? Think about the controversial Gaia hypothesis; people say 'is the planet alive?', 'is the ecosphere alive or not?' In the end it depends on how you define such things.

Compare that with handwriting recognition. In the end you are trying to say “is this an A or is it a B?” People write As and Bs in many different ways; floridly, sloppily or whatever. It's no good saying 'well, it's sort of A-ish but there's a bit of B in there', because you can't write the word 'apple' with such a thing. It is either an A or a B. How do you judge? If you're doing handwriting recognition, what you are trying to do is not to assess the relative degrees of A-ness or B-ness of the letter, but trying to define the intention of the person who wrote it. It's very clear in the end—is it an A or a B?—ah! it's an A, because the person writing it was writing the word apple and that's clearly what it means. So, in the end, in the absence of an intentional creator, you cannot say what life is, because it simply depends on what set of definitions you include in your overall definition. Without a god, life is only a matter of opinion.

I want to pick up on a few other things that came around today. I was fascinated by Larry (again), talking about tautology, because there's an argument that I remember being stumped by once, to which I couldn't come up with a reply, because I was so puzzled by the challenge and couldn't quite figure it out. A guy said to me, 'yes, but the whole theory of evolution is based on a tautology: that which survives, survives' This is tautological, therefore it doesn't mean anything. I thought about that for a while and it finally occurred to me that a tautology is something that if it means nothing, not only that no information has gone into it but that no consequence has come out of it. So, we may have accidentally stumbled upon the ultimate answer; it's the only thing, the only force, arguably the most powerful of which we are aware, which requires no other input, no other support from any other place, is self evident, hence tautological, but nevertheless astonishingly powerful in its effects. It's hard to find anything that corresponds to that and I therefore put it at the beginning of one of my books. I reduced it to what I thought were the bare essentials, which are very similar to the ones you came up with earlier, which were “anything that happens happens, anything that in happening causes something else to happen causes something else to happen and anything that in happening causes itself to happen again, happens again”. In fact you don't even need the second two because they flow from the first one, which is self-evident and there's nothing else you need to say; everything else flows from that. So, I think we have in our grasp here a fundamental, ultimate truth, against which there is no gain-saying. It was spotted by the guy who said this is a tautology. Yes, it is, but it's a unique tautology in that it requires no information to go in but an infinite amount of information comes out of it. So I think that it is arguably therefore the prime cause of everything in the Universe. Big claim, but I feel I'm talking to a sympathetic audience.

Where does the idea of God come from? Well, I think we have a very skewed point of view on an awful lot of things, but let's try and see where our point of view comes from. Imagine early man. Early man is, like everything else, an evolved creature and he finds himself in a world that he's begun to take a little charge of; he's begun to be a tool-maker, a changer of his environment with the tools that he's made and he makes tools, when he does, in order to make changes in his environment. To give an example of the way man operates compared to other animals, consider speciation, which, as we know, tends to occur when a small group of animals gets separated from the rest of the herd by some geological upheaval, population pressure, food shortage or whatever and finds itself in a new environment with maybe something different going on. Take a very simple example; maybe a bunch of animals suddenly finds itself in a place where the weather is rather colder. We know that in a few generations those genes which favour a thicker coat will have come to the fore and we'll come and we'll find that the animals have now got thicker coats. Early man, who's a tool maker, doesn't have to do this: he can inhabit an extraordinarily wide range of habitats on earth, from tundra to the Gobi Desert—he even manages to live in New York for heaven's sake—and the reason is that when he arrives in a new environment he doesn't have to wait for several generations; if he arrives in a colder environment and sees an animal that has those genes which favour a thicker coat, he says “I'll have it off him”. Tools have enabled us to think intentionally, to make things and to do things to create a world that fits us better. Now imagine an early man surveying his surroundings at the end of a happy day's tool making. He looks around and he sees a world which pleases him mightily: behind him are mountains with caves in—mountains are great because you can go and hide in the caves and you are out of the rain and the bears can't get you; in front of him there's the forest—it's got nuts and berries and delicious food; there's a stream going by, which is full of water—water's delicious to drink, you can float your boats in it and do all sorts of stuff with it; here's cousin Ug and he's caught a mammoth—mammoth's are great, you can eat them, you can wear their coats, you can use their bones to create weapons to catch other mammoths. I mean this is a great world, it's fantastic. But our early man has a moment to reflect and he thinks to himself, 'well, this is an interesting world that I find myself in' and then he asks himself a very treacherous question, a question which is totally meaningless and fallacious, but only comes about because of the nature of the sort of person he is, the sort of person he has evolved into and the sort of person who has thrived because he thinks this particular way. Man the maker looks at his world and says 'So who made this then?' Who made this? — you can see why it's a treacherous question. Early man thinks, 'Well, because there's only one sort of being I know about who makes things, whoever made all this must therefore be a much bigger, much more powerful and necessarily invisible, one of me and because I tend to be the strong one who does all the stuff, he's probably male'. And so we have the idea of a god. Then, because when we make things we do it with the intention of doing something with them, early man asks himself , 'If he made it, what did he make it for?' Now the real trap springs, because early man is thinking, 'This world fits me very well. Here are all these things that support me and feed me and look after me; yes, this world fits me nicely' and he reaches the inescapable conclusion that whoever made it, made it for him.

This is rather as if you imagine a puddle waking up one morning and thinking, 'This is an interesting world I find myself in—an interesting hole I find myself in—fits me rather neatly, doesn't it? In fact it fits me staggeringly well, must have been made to have me in it!' This is such a powerful idea that as the sun rises in the sky and the air heats up and as, gradually, the puddle gets smaller and smaller, it's still frantically hanging on to the notion that everything's going to be alright, because this world was meant to have him in it, was built to have him in it; so the moment he disappears catches him rather by surprise. I think this may be something we need to be on the watch out for. We all know that at some point in the future the Universe will come to an end and at some other point, considerably in advance from that but still not immediately pressing, the sun will explode. We feel there's plenty of time to worry about that, but on the other hand that's a very dangerous thing to say. Look at what's supposed to be going to happen on the 1st of January 2000—let's not pretend that we didn't have a warning that the century was going to end! I think that we need to take a larger perspective on who we are and what we are doing here if we are going to survive in the long term.

There are some oddities in the perspective with which we see the world. The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be, but we have done various things over intellectual history to slowly correct some of our misapprehensions. Curiously enough, quite a lot of these have come from sand, so let's talk about the four ages of sand.

From sand we make glass, from glass we make lenses and from lenses we make telescopes. When the great early astronomers, Copernicus, Gallileo and others turned their telescopes on the heavens and discovered that the Universe was an astonishingly different place than we expected and that, far from the world being most of the Universe, with just a few little bright lights going around it, it turned out—and this took a long, long, long time to sink in—that it is just one tiny little speck going round a little nuclear fireball, which is one of millions and millions and millions that make up this particular galaxy and our galaxy is one of millions or billions that make up the Universe and that then we are also faced with the possibility that there may be billions of universes, that applied a little bit of a corrective to the perspective that the Universe was ours.

I rather love that notion and, as I was discussing with someone earlier today, there's a book I thoroughly enjoyed recently by David Deutsch, who is an advocate of the multiple universe view of the Universe, called 'The Fabric of Reality', in which he explores the notion of a quantum multiple universe view of the Universe. This came from the famous wave particle dichotomy about the behaviour of light—that you couldn't measure it as a wave when it behaves as a wave, or as a particle when it behaves as a particle. How does this come to be? David Deutsch points out that if you imagine that our Universe is simply one layer and that there is an infinite multiplicity of universes spreading out on either side, not only does it solve the problem, but the problem simply goes away. This is exactly how you expect light to behave under those circumstances. Quantum mechanics has claims to be predicated on the notion that the Universe behaves as if there was a multiplicity of universes, but it rather strains our credulity to think that there actually would be.

This goes straight back to Gallileo and the Vatican. In fact, what the Vatican said to Gallileo was, “We don't dispute your readings, we just dispute the explanation you put on them. It's all very well for you to say that the planets sort of do that as they go round and it is as if we were a planet and those planets were all going round the sun; it's alright to say it's as if that were happening, but you're not allowed to say that's what is happening, because we have a total lockhold on universal truth and also it simply strains our personal credulity”. Just so, I think that the idea that there are multiple universes currently strains our credulity but it may well be that it's simply one more strain that we have to learn to live with, just as we've had to learn to live with a whole bunch of them in the past.

The other thing that comes out of that vision of the Universe is that it turns out to be composed almost entirely and rather worryingly, of nothing. Wherever you look there is nothing, with occasional tiny, tiny little specks of rock or light. But nevertheless, by watching the way these tiny little specks behave in the vast nothingness, we begin to divine certain principles, certain laws, like gravity and so forth. So that was, if you like, the macroscopic view of the universe, which came from the first age of sand.

The next age of sand is the microscopic one. We put glass lenses into microscopes and started to look down at the microscopic view of the Universe. Then we began to understand that when we get down to the sub-atomic level, the solid world we live in also consists, again rather worryingly, of almost nothing and that wherever we do find something it turns out not to be actually something, but only the probability that there may be something there.

One way or another, this is a deeply misleading Universe. Wherever we look it's beginning to be extremely alarming and extremely upsetting to our sense of who we are—great, strapping, physical people living in a Universe that exists almost entirely for us—that it just isn't the case. At this point we are still divining from this all sorts of fundamental principles, recognising the way that gravity works, the way that strong and weak nuclear forces work, recognising the nature of matter, the nature of particles and so on, but having got those fundamentals, we're still not very good at figuring out how it works, because the maths is really rather tricky. So, we tend to come up with almost a clockwork view of the way it all works, because that's the best our maths can manage. I don't mean in any way to disparage Newton, because I guess he was the first person who saw that there were principles at work that were different from anything we actually saw around us. His first law of motion—that something will remain in its position of either rest or motion until some other force works on it—is something that none of us, living in a gravity well, in a gas envelope, had ever seen, because everything we move comes to a halt. It was only through very, very careful watching and observing and measuring and divining the principles underlying what we could all see happening that he came up with the principles that we all know and recognise as being the laws of motion, but nevertheless it is by modern terms, still a somewhat clockwork view of the Universe. As I say, I don't mean that to sound disparaging in any way at all, because his achievements, as we all know, were absolutely monumental, but it still kind of doesn't make sense to us.

Now there are all sorts of entities we are also aware of, as well as particles, forces, tables, chairs, rocks and so on, that are almost invisible to science; almost invisible, because science has almost nothing to say about them whatsoever. I'm talking about dogs and cats and cows and each other. We living things are, so far, beyond the purview of anything science can actually say, almost beyond even recognising ourselves as things that science might be expected to have something to say about.

I can imagine Newton sitting down and working out his laws of motion and figuring out the way the Universe works and with him, a cat wandering around. The reason we had no idea how cats worked was because, since Newton, we had proceeded by the very simple principle that essentially, to see how things work, we took them apart. If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat. Life is a level of complexity that almost lies outside our vision; is so far beyond anything we have any means of understanding that we just think of it as a different class of object, a different class of matter; 'life', something that had a mysterious essence about it, was god given—and that's the only explanation we had. The bombshell comes in 1859 when Darwin publishes 'On the Origin of Species'. It takes a long time before we really get to grips with this and begin to understand it, because not only does it seem incredible and thoroughly demeaning to us, but it's yet another shock to our system to discover that not only are we not the centre of the Universe and we're not made of anything, but we started out as some kind of slime and got to where we are via being a monkey. It just doesn't read well. But also, we have no opportunity to see this stuff at work. In a sense Darwin was like Newton, in that he was the first person to see underlying principles, that really were not at all obvious, from the everyday world in which he lived. We had to think very hard to understand the nature of what was happening around us and we had no clear, obvious everyday examples of evolution to point to. Even today that persists as a slightly tricky problem if you're trying to persuade somebody who doesn't believe in all this evolution stuff and wants you to show him an example—they are hard to find in terms of everyday observation.

So we come to the third age of sand. In the third age of sand we discover something else we can make out of sand—silicon. We make the silicon chip—and suddenly, what opens up to us is a Universe not of fundamental particles and fundamental forces, but of the things that were missing in that picture that told us how they work; what the silicon chip revealed to us was the process. The silicon chip enables us to do mathematics tremendously fast, to model the, as it turns out, very very simple processes that are analogous to life in terms of their simplicity; iteration, looping, branching, the feedback loop which lies at the heart of everything you do on a computer and at the heart of everything that happens in evolution—that is, the output stage of one generation becomes the input stage of the next. Suddenly we have a working model, not for a while because early machines are terribly slow and clunky, but gradually we accumulate a working model of this thing that previously we could only guess at or deduce—and you had to be a pretty sharp and a pretty clear thinker even to divine it happening when it was far from obvious and indeed counter-intuitive, particularly to as proud a species as we.

The computer forms a third age of perspective, because suddenly it enables us to see how life works. Now that is an extraordinarily important point because it becomes self-evident that life, that all forms of complexity, do not flow downwards, they flow upwards and there's a whole grammar that anybody who is used to using computers is now familiar with, which means that evolution is no longer a particular thing, because anybody who's ever looked at the way a computer program works, knows that very, very simple iterative pieces of code, each line of which is tremendously straightforward, give rise to enormously complex phenomena in a computer—and by enormously complex phenomena, I mean a word processing program just as much as I mean Tierra or Creatures.

I can remember the first time I ever read a programming manual, many many years ago. I'd first started to encounter computers about 1983 and I wanted to know a little bit more about them, so I decided to learn something about programming. I bought a C manual and I read through the first two or three chapters, which took me about a week. At the end it said 'Congratulations, you have now written the letter A on the screen!' I thought, 'Well, I must have misunderstood something here, because it was a huge, huge amount of work to do that, so what if I now want to write a B?' The process of programming, the speed and the means by which enormous simplicity gives rise to enormously complex results, was not part of my mental grammar at that point. It is now—and it is increasingly part of all our mental grammars, because we are used to the way computers work.

So, suddenly, evolution ceases to be such a real problem to get hold of. It's rather like this: imagine, if you will, the following scenario. One Tuesday, a person is spotted in a street in London, doing something criminal. Two detectives are investigating, trying to work out what happened. One of them is a 20th Century detective and the other, by the marvels of science fiction, is a 19th Century detective. The problem is this: the person who was clearly seen and identified on the street in London on Tuesday was seen by someone else, an equally reliable witness, on the street in Santa Fe on the same Tuesday—how could that possibly be? The 19th Century detective could only think it was by some sort of magical intervention. Now the 20th Century detective may not be able to say, “He took BA flight this and then United flight that”—he may not be able to figure out exactly which way he did it, or by which route he travelled, but it's not a problem. It doesn't bother him; he just says, 'He got there by plane. I don't know which plane and it may be a little tricky to find out, but there's no essential mystery.' We're used to the idea of jet travel. We don't know whether the criminal flew BA 178, or UA270, or whatever, but we know roughly how it was done. I suspect that as we become more and more conversant with the role a computer plays and the way in which the computer models the process of enormously simple elements giving rise to enormously complex results, then the idea of life being an emergent phenomenon will become easier and easier to swallow. We may never know precisely what steps life took in the very early stages of this planet, but it's not a mystery.

So what we have arrived at here—and although the first shock wave of this arrival was in 1859, it's really the arrival of the computer that demonstrates it unarguably to us—is 'Is there really a Universe that is not designed from the top downwards but from the bottom upwards? Can complexity emerge from lower levels of simplicity?' It has always struck me as being bizarre that the idea of God as a creator was considered sufficient explanation for the complexity we see around us, because it simply doesn't explain where he came from. If we imagine a designer, that implies a design and that therefore each thing he designs or causes to be designed is a level simpler than him or her, then you have to ask 'What is the level above the designer?' There is one peculiar model of the Universe that has turtles all the way down, but here we have gods all the way up. It really isn't a very good answer, but a bottom-up solution, on the other hand, which rests on the incredibly powerful tautology of anything that happens, happens, clearly gives you a very simple and powerful answer that needs no other explanation whatsoever.

But here's the interesting thing. I said I wanted to ask 'Is there an artificial god?' and this is where I want to address the question of why the idea of a god is so persuasive. I've already explained where I feel this kind of illusion comes from in the first place; it comes from a falseness in our perspective, because we are not taking into account that we are evolved beings, beings who have evolved into a particular landscape, into a particular environment with a particular set of skills and views of the world that have enabled us to survive and thrive rather successfully. But there seems to be an even more powerful idea than that, and this is the idea I want to propose, which is that the spot at the top of the pyramid that we previously said was whence everything flowed, may not actually be vacant just because we say the flow doesn't go that way.

Let me explain what I mean by this. We have created in the world in which we live all kinds of things; we have changed our world in all kinds of ways. That's very very clear. We have built the room we're in and we've built all sorts of complex stuff, like computers and so on, but we've also constructed all kinds of fictitious entities that are enormously powerful. So do we say, 'That's a bad idea; it's stupid—we should simply get rid of it?' Well, here's another fictitious entity—money. Money is a completely fictitious entity, but it's very powerful in our world; we each have wallets, which have got notes in them, but what can those notes do? You can't breed them, you can't stir fry them, you can't live in them, there's absolutely nothing you can do with them that's any use, other than exchange them with each other—and as soon as we exchange them with each other all sots of powerful things happen, because it's a fiction that we've all subscribed to. We don't think this is wrong or right, good or bad; but the thing is that if money vanished the entire co-operative structure that we have would implode, but if we were all to vanish, money would simply vanish too. Money has no meaning outside ourselves, it is something that we have created that has a powerful shaping effect on the world, because its something we all subscribe to.

I would like somebody to write an evolutionary history of religion, because the way in which it has developed seems to me to show all kinds of evolutionary strategies. Think of the arms races that go on between one or two animals living the same environment. For example the race between the Amazonian manatee and a particular type of reed that it eats. The more of the reed the manatee eats, the more the reed develops silica in its cells to attack the teeth of the manatee and the more silica in the reed, the more manatee's teeth get bigger and stronger. One side does one thing and the other counters it. As we know, throughout evolution and history arms races are something that drive evolution in the most powerful ways and in the world of ideas you can see similar kinds of things happening.

Now, the invention of the scientific method and science is, I'm sure we'll all agree, the most powerful intellectual idea, the most powerful framework for thinking and investigating and understanding and challenging the world around us that there is, and that it rests on the premise that any idea is there to be attacked and if it withstands the attack then it lives to fight another day and if it doesn't withstand the attack then down it goes. Religion doesn't seem to work like that; it has certain ideas at the heart of it which we call sacred or holy or whatever. That's an idea we're so familiar with, whether we subscribe to it or not, that it's kind of odd to think what it actually means, because really what it means is 'Here is an idea or a notion that you're not allowed to say anything bad about; you're just not. Why not? — because you're not!' If somebody votes for a party that you don't agree with, you're free to argue about it as much as you like; everybody will have an argument but nobody feels aggrieved by it. If somebody thinks taxes should go up or down you are free to have an argument about it, but on the other hand if somebody says 'I mustn't move a light switch on a Saturday', you say, 'Fine, I respect that'. The odd thing is, even as I am saying that I am thinking 'Is there an Orthodox Jew here who is going to be offended by the fact that I just said that?' but I wouldn't have thought 'Maybe there's somebody from the left wing or somebody from the right wing or somebody who subscribes to this view or the other in economics' when I was making the other points. I just think 'Fine, we have different opinions'. But, the moment I say something that has something to do with somebody's (I'm going to stick my neck out here and say irrational) beliefs, then we all become terribly protective and terribly defensive and say 'No, we don't attack that; that's an irrational belief but no, we respect it'.

It's rather like, if you think back in terms of animal evolution, an animal that's grown an incredible carapace around it, such as a tortoise—that's a great survival strategy because nothing can get through it; or maybe like a poisonous fish that nothing will come close to, which therefore thrives by keeping away any challenges to what it is it is. In the case of an idea, if we think 'Here is an idea that is protected by holiness or sanctity', what does it mean? Why should it be that it's perfectly legitimate to support the Labour party or the Conservative party, Republicans or Democrats, this model of economics versus that, Macintosh instead of Windows, but to have an opinion about how the Universe began, about who created the Universe, no, that's holy? What does that mean? Why do we ring-fence that for any other reason other than that we've just got used to doing so? There's no other reason at all, it's just one of those things that crept into being and once that loop gets going it's very, very powerful. So, we are used to not challenging religious ideas but it's very interesting how much of a furore Richard creates when he does it! Everybody gets absolutely frantic about it because you're not allowed to say these things. Yet when you look at it rationally there is no reason why those ideas shouldn't be as open to debate as any other, except that we have agreed somehow between us that they shouldn't be.

There's a very interesting book—I don't know if anybody here's read it—called 'Man on Earth' by an anthropologist who use to be at Cambridge, called John Reader, in which he describes the way that… I'm going to back up a little bit and tell you about the whole book. It's a series of studies of different cultures in the world that have developed within somewhat isolated circumstances, either on islands or in a mountain valley or wherever, so it's possible to treat them to a certain extent as a test-tube case. You see therefore exactly the degree to which their environment and their immediate circumstances has affected the way in which their culture has arisen. It's a fascinating series of studies. The one I have in mind at the moment is one that describes the culture and economy of Bali, which is a small, very crowded island that subsists on rice. Now, rice is an incredibly efficient food and you can grow an awful lot in a relatively small space, but it's hugely labour intensive and requires a lot of very, very precise co-operation amongst the people there, particularly when you have a large population on a small island needing to bring its harvest in. People now looking at the way in which rice agriculture works in Bali are rather puzzled by it because it is intensely religious. The society of Bali is such that religion permeates every single aspect of it and everybody in that culture is very, very carefully defined in terms of who they are, what their status is and what their role in life is. It's all defined by the church; they have very peculiar calendars and a very peculiar set of customs and rituals, which are precisely defined and, oddly enough, they are fantastically good at being very, very productive with their rice harvest. In the 70s, people came in and noticed that the rice harvest was determined by the temple calendar. It seemed to be totally nonsensical, so they said, 'Get rid of all this, we can help you make your rice harvest much, much more productive than even you're, very successfully, doing at the moment. Use these pesticides, use this calendar, do this, that and the other'. So they started and for two or three years the rice production went up enormously, but the whole predator/prey/pest balance went completely out of kilter. Very shortly, the rice harvest plummeted again and the Balinese said, 'Screw it, we're going back to the temple calendar!' and they reinstated what was there before and it all worked again absolutely perfectly. It's all very well to say that basing the rice harvest on something as irrational and meaningless as a religion is stupid—they should be able to work it out more logically than that, but they might just as well say to us, 'Your culture and society works on the basis of money and that's a fiction, so why don't you get rid of it and just co-operate with each other'—we know it's not going to work!

So, there is a sense in which we build meta-systems above ourselves to fill in the space that we previously populated with an entity that was supposed to be the intentional designer, the creator (even though there isn't one) and because we—I don't necessarily mean we in this room, but we as a species—design and create one and then allow ourselves to behave as if there was one, all sorts of things begin to happen that otherwise wouldn't happen.

Let me try and illustrate what I mean by something else. This is very speculative; I'm really going out on a limb here, because it's something I know nothing about whatsoever, so think of this more as a thought experiment than a real explanation of something. I want to talk about Feng Shui, which is something I know very little about, but there's been a lot of talk about it recently in terms of figuring out how a building should be designed, built, situated, decorated and so on. Apparently, we need to think about the building being inhabited by dragons and look at it in terms of how a dragon would move around it. So, if a dragon wouldn't be happy in the house, you have to put a red fish bowl here or a window there. This sounds like complete and utter nonsense, because anything involving dragons must be nonsense—there aren't any dragons, so any theory based on how dragons behave is nonsense. What are these silly people doing, imagining that dragons can tell you how to build your house? Nevertheless, it occurs to me if you disregard for a moment the explanation that's actually offered for it, it may be there is something interesting going on that goes like this: we all know from buildings that we've lived in, worked in, been in or stayed in, that some are more comfortable, more pleasant and more agreeable to live in than others. We haven't had a real way of quantifying this, but in this century we've had an awful lot of architects who think they know how to do it, so we've had the horrible idea of the house as a machine for living in, we've had Mies van der Roe and others putting up glass stumps and strangely shaped things that are supposed to form some theory or other. It's all carefully engineered, but nonetheless, their buildings are not actually very nice to live in. An awful lot of theory has been poured into this, but if you sit and work with an architect (and I've been through that stressful time, as I'm sure a lot of people have) then when you are trying to figure out how a room should work you're trying to integrate all kinds of things about lighting, about angles, about how people move and how people live—and an awful lot of other things you don't know about that get left out. You don't know what importance to attach to one thing or another; you're trying to, very consciously, figure out something when you haven't really got much of a clue, but there's this theory and that theory, this bit of engineering practice and that bit of architectural practice; you don't really know what to make of them. Compare that to somebody who tosses a cricket ball at you. You can sit and watch it and say, 'It's going at 17 degrees'; start to work it out on paper, do some calculus, etc. and about a week after the ball's whizzed past you, you may have figured out where it's going to be and how to catch it. On the other hand, you can simply put your hand out and let the ball drop into it, because we have all kinds of faculties built into us, just below the conscious level, able to do all kinds of complex integrations of all kinds of complex phenomena which therefore enables us to say, 'Oh look, there's a ball coming; catch it!'

What I'm suggesting is that Feng Shui and an awful lot of other things are precisely of that kind of problem. There are all sorts of things we know how to do, but don't necessarily know what we do, we just do them. Go back to the issue of how you figure out how a room or a house should be designed and instead of going through all the business of trying to work out the angles and trying to digest which genuine architectural principles you may want to take out of what may be a passing architectural fad, just ask yourself, 'how would a dragon live here?' We are used to thinking in terms of organic creatures; an organic creature may consist of an enormous complexity of all sorts of different variables that are beyond our ability to resolve but we know how organic creatures live. We've never seen a dragon but we've all got an idea of what a dragon is like, so we can say, 'Well if a dragon went through here, he'd get stuck just here and a little bit cross over there because he couldn't see that and he'd wave his tail and knock that vase over'. You figure out how the dragon's going to be happy here and lo and behold! you've suddenly got a place that makes sense for other organic creatures, such as ourselves, to live in.

So, my argument is that as we become more and more scientifically literate, it's worth remembering that the fictions with which we previously populated our world may have some function that it's worth trying to understand and preserve the essential components of, rather than throwing out the baby with the bath water; because even though we may not accept the reasons given for them being here in the first place, it may well be that there are good practical reasons for them, or something like them, to be there. I suspect that as we move further and further into the field of digital or artificial life we will find more and more unexpected properties begin to emerge out of what we see happening and that this is a precise parallel to the entities we create around ourselves to inform and shape our lives and enable us to work and live together. Therefore, I would argue that though there isn't an actual god there is an artificial god and we should probably bear that in mind. That is my debating point and you are now free to start hurling the chairs around!

Q – What is the fourth age of sand?

Let me back up for a minute and talk about the way we communicate. Traditionally, we have a bunch of different ways in which we communicate with each other. One way is one-to-one; we talk to each other, have a conversation. Another is one-to-many, which I'm doing at the moment, or someone could stand up and sing a song, or announce we've got to go to war. Then we have many-to-one communication; we have a pretty patchy, clunky, not-really-working version we call democracy, but in a more primitive state I would stand up and say, 'OK, we're going to go to war' and some may shout back 'No we're not!'—and then we have many-to-many communication in the argument that breaks out afterwards!

In this century (and the previous century) we modelled one-to-one communications in the telephone, which I assume we are all familiar with. We have one-to-many communication—boy do we have an awful lot of that; broadcasting, publishing, journalism, etc.—we get information poured at us from all over the place and it's completely indiscriminate as to where it might land. It's curious, but we don't have to go very far back in our history until we find that all the information that reached us was relevant to us and therefore anything that happened, any news, whether it was about something that's actually happened to us, in the next house, or in the next village, within the boundary or within our horizon, it happened in our world and if we reacted to it the world reacted back. It was all relevant to us, so for example, if somebody had a terrible accident we could crowd round and really help. Nowadays, because of the plethora of one-to-many communication we have, if a plane crashes in India we may get terribly anxious about it but our anxiety doesn't have any impact. We're not very well able to distinguish between a terrible emergency that's happened to somebody a world away and something that's happened to someone round the corner. We can't really distinguish between them any more, which is why we get terribly upset by something that has happened to somebody in a soap opera that comes out of Hollywood and maybe less concerned when it's happened to our sister. We've all become twisted and disconnected and it's not surprising that we feel very stressed and alienated in the world because the world impacts on us but we don't impact the world. Then there's many-to-one; we have that, but not very well yet and there's not much of it about. Essentially, our democratic systems are a model of that and though they're not very good, they will improve dramatically.

But the fourth, the many-to-many, we didn't have at all before the coming of the Internet, which, of course, runs on fibre-optics. It's communication between us that forms the fourth age of sand. Take what I said earlier about the world not reacting to us when we react to it; I remember the first moment, a few years ago, at which I began to take the Internet seriously. It was a very, very silly thing. There was a guy, a computer research student at Carnegie Mellon, who liked to drink Dr Pepper Light. There was a drinks machine a couple of storeys away from him, where he used to regularly go and get his Dr Pepper, but the machine was often out of stock, so he had quite a few wasted journeys. Eventually he figured out, 'Hang on, there's a chip in there and I'm on a computer and there's a network running around the building, so why don't I just put the drinks machine on the network, then I can poll it from my terminal whenever I want and tell if I'm going to have a wasted journey or not?' So he connected the machine to the local network, but the local net was part of the Internet—so suddenly anyone in the world could see what was happening with this drinks machine. Now that may not be vital information but it turned out to be curiously fascinating; everyone started to know what was happening with the drinks machine. It began to develop, because in the chip in the machine didn't just say, 'The slot which has Dr Pepper Light is empty' but had all sorts of information; it said, 'There are 7 Cokes and 3 Diet Cokes, the temperature they are stored at is this and the last time they were loaded was that'. There was a lot of information in there, and there was one really fabulous piece of information: it turned out that if someone had put their 50 cents in and not pressed the button, i.e. if the machine was pregnant, then you could, from your computer terminal wherever you were in the world, log on to the drinks machine and drop that can! Somebody could be walking down the corridor when suddenly, 'bang!' — there was a Coca-Cola can! What caused that? — well obviously somebody 5,000 miles away! Now that was a very, very silly, but fascinating, story and what it said to me was that this was the first time that we could reach back into the world. It may not be terribly important that from 5,000 miles away you can reach into a University corridor and drop a Coca-Cola can but it's the first shot in the war of bringing to us a whole new way of communicating. So that, I think, is the fourth age of sand.

Yeh hai Bombay meri Jaan!

2006-08-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Finally - back home! One of the weirdest and best feelings you can have. Something like how Frodo must have felt when he returned to the Shire. Going back to college just made one feel a bit old. But the experience was awesome! Of course, one always wonders whether one has become too much of a firangi after a year away. Fortunately, a simple test sufices to examine the veracity of this accusation.

Location: The 8:47 Borivali fast from Churchgate to Bandra.

The scene: Dadar station has just gone by, and I'm standing on the wrong side for Bandra.

The atmosphere: When the science teacher explained that molecules are tightly packed in a solid - this is what she meant. The usual cliche about how jam packed it is in the second class general compartment.

The test: Within 4 minutes - have to get from one end of the train to another, getting to know many men rather more intimately than one would like. After a liberal amount of "Boss, zara side dena.", manage to make it to the other side.

Yes, I know you must be thinking, "Finally, I get the title of this blog!". But, honestly, there's nothing that construes an acid test of being a Bombayite than surviving the train journey. It's a "pleasure" few would miss - but it leaves you with the same feeling Hillary must have felt when he climbed Everest.

This and other things you miss about Bombay:

1) The loving smooch sound with which people call others they don't know
2) The ability to use the word "Boss" for anyone
3) Taxiwallahs not wanting to go where you go
4) People asking you to buy tickets for them after you've waited 25 minutes in a line.
5) Having to get off/on of a running bus.
6) The "Dus ka thees" waala
7) The lovely "terms of affection" people use for people who annoy them.
8) People popping out mobile phones in the middle of just about anywhere.
9) People who paint the town red.
10) The rain!

When you are tired of Bombay - you are tired of life....

Reflections

2006-07-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

India has been PJ free for the past 365 days for the first time since 1983. Here's what I've learnt over the past year:

1. It IS possible to do engineering without a xerox machine.

2. Men CAN cook.

3. It IS possible to get the right amount of salt in your food.

4. Weekends rock!

5. The NAND gate is truly a universal gate. (Unfortunately, only one person reading this blog will ever understand this)

6. Linux rocks!!!!!

7. There'll never be a cooler computer than an Apple.

8. America is essentially anything limited to a fifteen mile circular radius of a person living on the mainland United States (also see: Bush, George Walker)

9. I was wrong - Austin has one of the best public transportation systems on the planet.

10. Everything is bigger in Texas.

11. The population of the world is 6 billion. The population of Gujarat is 7 billion.

12. It's amazing the kind of crap people are willing to read on the Internet! (see: Lunacy, Inspired)

13. There is such a thing as the kindness of strangers.

14. You can't do without friends. You just can't!

15. Studying in the library during finals week is the best community feeling you can ever get.

16. Public transportation is essentially wasted in this country.

17. Darwin was right - I did evolve from an ape. (another esoteric joke)

18. I can yell at a higher pitch than most women.

19. There is no name in this world that Americans cannot screw up (except, maybe: "Seema")

20. Chinese, Japanese and Koreans do NOT look they same. In fact, they look very, very different!

21. Koreans are awesome people.

22. The American alphabet lacks the letter "J"

23. It is humanly possible to go without television for ages.

24. I can exist without sambhar.

25. There may never be a world community like Grad school in America - ever!

26. Never trust the US News Rankings.

27. There is Chinese food, Indian Chinese food and American Chinese Food, and never the twain shall meet.

28. Thai food is DELICIOUS!!!!!

29. If you want to know what the world looks at 2 a.m. in the morning - go to grad school. If you still want to know what the world looks like at 3 a.m. in the morning - have kids.

30. PG Wodehouse is God

31. American football is fun!

32. It is possible to survive watching only 1 cricket match in a year.

33. A laptop is not necessarily a luxury item.

34. You may suck at math, but learn to calculate 15 % of any number.

35. Without Italian food, graduate students would be extinct.

36. "Mmmm...hummmm" is an acceptable response to most queries.

37. There ar 37 shades of blonde.

38. There is a difference between looking "left, right and left again" and "right, left and right again" before crossing a road.

39. A horn is essentially something quiet that is found on a bull.

40. It is possible to speak for over 4000 minutes a month.

41. "To page this person, press 5 now....at the tone, record your message, when you are finished recording, hang up, or press 9 for more options" is the most popular greeting in America.

42. If you had stopped at number 20, you might still have retained your sanity.

A Few Quick Ones

2006-07-24T19:56:00.000-07:00

Stories on and off the cricket field are always humorous. Here are some of my favorite ones:

1) Raman Subba Row had just dropped a sitter at slip off "Fiery" Fred Trueman, allowing it to go through his legs to the boundary. At the end of the over, as Trueman passed Illingworth, an understandably embarrassed Subba Row mumbled: "Sorry, Fred. I should've kept my legs together."

Never one at a loss for words, Fred shook his head and replied: "Not you, son; your mother, about 23 years back."

edited

2) This apprently happened in a county match, where the number 10 and the number 11 (universally acknowledged by their teammates as the worst batters and runners between wickets) were at the crease. Curiously enough, each of them had a runner. The Batsman on strike hit the ball, and was promptly off, forgetting all about his runner. His non striking partner, reciprocated , as did the dutiful runners. Pretty soon, all four were at the same end, and the keeper whipped the bails off at the other end. The square leg umpire walked up to them and said:
"One of you bastards is out. Decide which one, and go tell the scorers!"

3) This happened in Zimbabwe. A team, not finding enough players, decided to fill in the numbers with a few Rugby players, whose knowledge of cricket was rather woeful. On the final day of the match, the team was down to the last wicket, trying to save the game. An accomplished batsman, and the Rugby player were at the crease, with a few overs to go. The cricketer asked the rugby player to stay put at his end, count to six, and then run. The rugby player followed orders to the tee. With the last over to go, the cricketer was happy at a job well done. As the last ball was bowled, the cricketer stoutly defended it, and was preparing to walk off, when he found the rugby player at his end. He was run out by 22 yards.

4) The innumerable commentary gems:

"Welcome to Old Trafford, where you have just missed Barry Richards hitting X's balls out of the ground.

A comment during a bowling change:

"Captain Ray Illingworth is relieving himself at the pavilion end."

And of course, the piece of commentary which had mothers all over Britain ringing up the BBC, during an England- West Indies test match in the 1980s. The scene: Peter Willey - on strike, with "Whispering Death" Michael Holding running in to bowl.

The commentator:

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey." (sic)

What were they thinking?

2006-07-19T19:17:00.000-07:00

Have seen many interesting signs. It just makes you wonder what they weren't thinking, or what they were.

1) On most Windows machines: "Keyboard not detected, press F1 to continue"

2) Advertisement for a burger joint:

"Drive Through. Legs and Thighs - normal or spicy"

The Art of Packing

2006-05-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

Packing is the singularly worst experience you can go through. Never before have so many scraps of paper meant so much to so few. (sorry Winston) Perhaps the worst part about packing is the essential two phase split that it invloves - the night before, and the morning after. Like with many things in life, one can go with full gusto the night before, but it is the morning after that matters more.

My personal problem is related to two things - the toothbrush and the shoe. The problem with the former is that one can never pack it till the morning after - and one does tend to forget it. It is not a nice feeling to realize in the middle of your train/plane journey that your toothbrush is currently talking behind your back with the cistern back home (or something more literary sounding).

The shoe is perhaps the most unpackable thing engineered by mankind. When one at last feels contentment about having managed to stuff all your clothes into the bag, it is quickly shattered when you walk by your shoe rack. How on Earth do you pack it? It is in this matter that I do not envy women, who, in my opinion, possess too many shoes anyway (sneakers, formal shoes and floaters, and you should be good to go - anyway, to each his/her own).

To Shave or not to shave, THAT is the real question!

2006-05-18T07:23:00.000-07:00

It is a truth, universally acknowledged that a single man, in possession of clothing, must be in need of a laundry. The fact that these are unattached to most homes in Austin, makes life very difficult. However, there are more pressing matters on a man's mind than clean clothing.

It is another truth, universally acknowledged that no man likes to shave. It is with an amazement that every young man admires the father figures in his life, hoping that he may one day shave like them. It takes him precisely 2 minutes after his first shave to realize what a fool he hath been for thinking so!

Women often complain that men are in need of a shave. But, in their defence, men have only this to say:

In sooth, I know not why I am so
It wearies me, you say it wearies you.
But how I caught it, bought it or came by it
What stuff 'tis made of, whereof 'tis born
I am yet to learn.

Men have long since acknowledged the futility of shaving. History is littered with instances of men failing to make that fatal promise.

Even Shakespeare could not bring himself to make Romeo utter such words. I am sure when Juliet proclaimed:

"That was the nightingale and not the Lark"

Romeo heaved a sigh of relief for the few more hours spent away from the razor's edge. (Now one understands the true purport of Maugham's words!)

Bheeshma could take the terrible vow of celibacy, but even he could not bring himself to say: "Hear me O Gods! I vow that henceforth, I will shave everyday!"

Many brave men have promised the women in their lives - "I shall climb the highest mountains for thee", "I shall sail the seven seas for thee", but, it is truly a brave and lovestruck man that promises: "I will shave everyday for thee."

Instantly, upon uttering these words, a man's measure rises infinitely in the eyes of his peers. Fortunately, women seem content with the fact that all the mountain climbing and sea sailing are significant enough expressions of love.

But mountains can always be climbed, and seas always be sailed without the pain of shaving everyday. In fact, 'tis a little known fact that all these feats were performed as a means of getting away from shaving everyday. For, on a long sea voyage, one does not feel such a need. It was this singular fact that convinced men that the world should be flat, for that would mean never having to shave again!

(With sincere apologies to William and Jane)

Houston, we have a problem! (aka - "How They Brought the Good News from Austin to Atlanta" )

2006-05-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

The flight from Austin-Atlanta was a rather interesting one. It had a stopover at Houston. Now, I had booked an unearthly 6 a.m. flight from Austin, in the hope to getting back to Atlanta by 11:30 a.m.. The other alternative got me back to Atlanta at 4:30 p.m.

After an unearthly (yup - GRE gives u a rich vocab, doesn't it?) wakeup at 4 a.m., I managed to reach the airport on time and board the flight. The weather Gods, it seems, had decided to work this weekend. Houston was struck by a spell of bad weather, and no flights could make it there. After a 3 hour wait, which meant I had missed my connecting flight, the airline put me on a later flight from Houston to Atlanta.

After arriving at Houston, I found that the the 11 a.m. connecting flight was delayed, not because the plane had not arrived - oh no - the plane was standing right there, waiting; but rather because the crew had not arrived - they were due on a flight from Austin which had been delayed. So, after waiting till 1 o'clock for the crew, we finally boarded the plane. Sweet Atlanta was just 2 1/2 hours away.

Of course, when the weather gods left, they decided to take the medical gods to golf as well. Halfway into the flight, the captain announced: "Folks, we have a medical emergency on board, I'm afraid we have to turn back." At this point, one strongly got the suspicion that the captain was living out his childhood dream of flying aboard Apollo 13.

After waiting for 2 more hors at Houston, (partially because the printer wasn't functioning), we finally took off.

Just as we finally landed - there was a brief moment of silence, broken the tongue-in-cheek comment over the intercom: "Folks, welcome back to Houston!"

So, after carefully planning a 11 a.m. arrival to avoid the 4:30 p.m. one, one mercifully made it back at the glorious hour of 8 p.m.!

Bombay

2006-05-12T13:44:00.000-07:00

Yup, Bombay. Folks, there's just no other city like it. That's one thing that's become very clear after coming here. When you are in a country where a car is not a luxury, but a necessity, and the public transportation in all places ( save NYC) is minimal to non-existant, you really miss Bombay. Especially in Texas, where everything is far far away.

When you are in Bombay, you complain about the heat, the bad roads, the annoying taxiwallahs, the overcrowded buses and trains. When you are out of Bombay, you complain about the lack of: heat, bad roads, annoying taxiwallahs, overcrowded buses and trains. (OK, so I exaggerate about the road aspect). You got an urge to see the gateway and you're stuck at Borivali, no problem - u'll be there in a jiffy. No such thing here - spontaniety is something that needs to be carefully planned out.

The funniest thing is the loose use of the term "city". Atlanta, Austin, Houston, Dallas, etc are all "cities". I guess I need to switch to Miriam Webster instead of Oxford!

So, folks, India may well be only a state of mind, but Bombay - ah - there's no place on Earth that'll ever be like it!

This is texas

2006-05-07T16:27:00.000-07:00

Overheard a rather interesting conversation last week:

Person A: "Say, that Colorado river which runs through Austin, is that the same one which carves out the Grand Canyon?"

Person B: "Yeah, I guess so"

Person A: "Then why do they call it a Lake in Austin."

Person B: "Because it is a Lake"

Person A: "I stayed in a hotel overlooking it. Looked like a river to me."

Person B: (momentarily lost for words). "Wait a minute, you're from Boston, aren't you?"

Person A: "Yes."

Person B: "Well, this is Texas, things are different here."

And that, folks sums up what it's all about. This is texas, so everything's bigger here. This is texas. That's the reason for everything. That's the Great State of texas.

Lab rats

2006-05-07T16:08:00.000-07:00

OK. So, I'm back. Why? Don't know. After months of frustrating hours in a lab, one gets to observe a rather weird variety of creatures there:

1) Annoying, loud desi undergrads - Yeah, people who have to discuss on the phone everything from their personal life, what they're doing this saturday night, yadda yadda yadda

2) Annoying loud desi undergrads with fake Amroo accents

"So, what's up dawg?" "you done with that assignment man?" After a while, it gets to you. Annoyingly, the women are even more annoying than the guys.

3) Annoying loud desi undergrads with fake amroo accents and a limited vocabulary -

"What the f*** man. Shit, I thought the interconnect was f**** supposed to be f*** here. f*** man, I'm so f***n screwed. You mean that's not the way you do that f*** thing? F*** dude...." etc etc etc. It's marvellous how deep and rich the English language can be. I'm sure a budding Shakespeare is in our midst.

4) Weird Oriental people -

They're there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Playing video games all throughout. And of course, the mega oversized headphones. Perhaps it is of these people that Frost was referring to when he said - "I do not know if he was walling in or walling out."

There is a rumor that both of them are the same person. But that is yet to be confirmed.

5) The corridor pacers

People who do not actually work in the lab, but pace around the corridor, talking on phones incessantly.

6) The Linux lab VLSI folks -

"Draw once, compile 25 times" seems to be their motto. All they seem to do is sit on the SUN computers all day, draw one, small colored line, and watch the compilation run for a few minutes, before starting again.

Quiz

2006-03-03T16:52:00.000-08:00

It has finally happened! A quiz in the United States, and one of a non-academic nature! On March 2nd, 2006, the duck was broken! And, as usual, it had to be desis who broke it. A gathering of 8 people plus the quiz master - a projector, 2 laptops and of course - chocolates!

A brilliant quiz! Trivia - most of it champagne stuff! Some good old chestnuts as well! Of course, the fact that I have never quizzed with anyone here before meant that I had my umpteenth quizzing partner. (I think at least 15 in undergrad itself - talk about "promiscuous" :D).

But an awesome quiz! And with this set to become a monthly feature (hopefully), it should be fun!

Bad boyz, whatcha gonna do?

2006-03-01T10:48:00.000-08:00

Saturday began just like any other day. Loads of work, bright n sunny and no prospect of possibly enjoying it.

Saturday did not end like any other day. Not unless you count riding in the back seat of a cop car as normal.

For anyone ever contemplating about thinking of commiting a crime, I would say - DON'T! That was the lesson to be learnt from the ride.

The back seat of the cop car isn't the world's most comfortable place. The entrance has a rather low roof, so, for starters, you WILL end up banging your head as you enter. (Now you know why they always hold the head as they shove the alleged criminal into it). The partition between the front and the back is around 1/3rd of the way from the rear, making it totally cramped - there is absolutely no room.

The seat is made of bare plastic, which is rather greasy, to ensure that you slide around as the car moves. As for handholds, there are none! No handles to pull and open the door, no groove - nothing!

And, of course, being cops, they are allowed to drive extremely fast. Which makes the ride all the more "enjoyable".

So, the moral of the story, folks, is never commit a crime!

For those who are wondering - it was late at night and the cab around campus was shut, hence the choice of calling the cops.

Waddiwasi

2006-02-23T12:32:00.000-08:00

The Cover Letter - always an indispensible part of the job application process. This is what an ideal cover letter should look like:

Dear yyyyyy,

I am yyyyyyy from zzzzzzz doing aaaaaaa. I am applying for the Internship opportunities in your company. I am especially interested in the field of xxxxx.

I have attached my resume along with the mail for your perusal.

Thank You,

Yours sincerely,

vvvvvv

All very nice, prim and proper, a model of perfection!
After several such cover letters, and searching through the multitude of positions on the infernal company websites, after filling out a 10 page form of bullcrap, I have come to the conclusion that the following cover letter would be far more appropriate:

Dear vvvvv,

I want a job in your company. Why? Simple - Money. I wanna spend huge, buy Porsches and cruise around in them. Frankly, the job description sucks. I mean, what does "must be able to perform with assistance" mean anyway? Do I have any software skills? Sure! About as much as a water buffalo, isn't that enough? What's the point anyway, all codes are always riddled with errors. If they're not, something's wrong.

I have relevant job experience! I have perfected the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing the whole day. It was hard work, but I'm sure you'll find that it's an invaluable asset of mine.

I have attached my resume with this mail. Why? I don't know. I know you're not gonna bother reading it anyway. If you did, I wouldn't get asked the same stupid questions at every career fair.

So, give me the job.

Up Yours,

xxxxxxxx

A little extreme? Well, if you've seen "great" companies having job descriptions like:

"Must be able to perform with assistance" (yes, I know what you're thinking)
"Must have sense of urgency" (the loo, anyone?)
"Must be self motivated"
"Must have quality of work"
"Must have pride in work"

one does tend to go a little off the deep end. Especially if the rest of the job description is rather "vague".

What the post says...

2006-02-12T09:06:00.000-08:00

I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!
I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow! I saw Snow!

Ten things I.....

2006-01-21T13:41:00.000-08:00

My observations on Bushland:

1. American English is not an invention of Microsoft, it is a reality. It is a language which has a unique alphabet, where the letters "G" and "J" are indistinguishable. This is proven by the fact that every time I spell out my last name for them, the first letter they type/write/repeat is invariably "G"

2. America is the world's first country to be inhabited by non-humans. It is a country designed for and ruled by the automobile. To imagine America, imagine a huge parking lot with people and trees randomly thrown in.

3. There are infinitely more laptops than laps in this country.

4. America runs on Gas(sic)

5. The pedestrian signals were designed by someone who obviously ran as fast as Carl Lewis. It is humanly impossible to cross the roads in the duration of time the pedestrian light stays green.

6. America is redefining the world - literally. It is singularly impossible to find out news about any other country on Earth by watching the news channels here. In fact, it is equally impossible to find out anything about the country itself. George Bush isn't idiotic, he's simply doing the best he can with the information given to him.

7. Outside of New York, public transportation is a sham. It is possible to get directions even to the loo, but it will have to be by car!

8. Americans are probably from Australia. This is borne out by the fact that they generally jog at 2 a.m. in the mornings, and the colder it gets, the fewer clothes they wear while doing so.

9. There is an entire time zone in America which no one cares about. It may or may not exist, I don't know. There have been rumours of people going to the Dakotas, but, as someone said, no one cares about the Dakotas anyway!

10. Schedule (Skedule) is the most annoying word in the English Language.

10.

One more....

2006-01-07T10:33:00.000-08:00

Credit for this one goes to Shemin, way back in Std. 9. Now this is an "abuse" which leaves the receiver kinda confused, and he's not exactly sure whether he is meant to be insulted or not. Yet, it certainly cannot be misconstrued for a compliment! Use it cautiously!

"You son of a motherless dog!"

Words of wisdom which make you think....

2006-01-03T17:18:00.000-08:00

One comes across words of wisdom everyday that hopefully serves to make you a better person, to reflect upon life and to understand the thought and the message behind those words. Then of course, you have phrases you hear, which make you wonder...what does it mean????? Alternatively, these make for very confusing messages to be left on an answering machine...

1. "It is Hard!"
2. "Rip it up, Baby!"
3. "Don't think about the monkey!"
4. "T.S. Eliot"
5. "Fun with Dick and Jane"

That's a load off my mind!

2006-01-02T11:16:00.000-08:00

For all those who have been constantly making me "tear my hair out" over the past two months - I hope you are happy!

The return of the king!!!!!!!!!!

2006-01-02T11:14:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what a day in the fridge can do to the dosa batter! Check it out!!!!!

Kryptonite

2005-12-27T14:55:00.000-08:00

It was a sleepy Tuesday morning. I awoke with a spring in my step. Felt the need for some yummy dosas and chutney. Of course, I had never made them before.

I began with the chutney - a lip-smacking tomato-onion gunpowder type chutney. Of course, owing to beginners luck, it did not come out exactly as I had hoped, but it was edible.

Next, the dosas. Following the instructions on the packet, (and scrounging around for a flask which had a measure of volume on its side), I measured out 12 fluid oz. of liquid H2O to mix with the powder. However, the consistency seemed a little inconsistent to moi, so I decided to add more dosa powder, but, alas, there was none! "No Problem!" I thought, "let's just add the Idli powder - it must be the same anyway."

However, no matter how much I added, the consistency remained watery. "What the heck!" I thought to myself "It won't be that bad!".

But, alas! Everyone has their weakness - Superman had Kryptonite! Dosas, it seems, are mine! The result was a massacre, like playing Kumble on a bouncy turning track. No matter which way you scraped, all you got was small shreds of nothing!

What started out to be yummy, crispy dosas, turned out to be the "vegetarian" version of scrambled batter.

R.I.P. - dosas, we'll miss you :'(

The Family Sambhar

2005-12-26T20:16:00.000-08:00

Well, it was Christmas yesterday. Of course, in this country you can get sued for saying that. "Happy Holidays" is what's "politically correct".

Made a traditional Christmas dinner! That's right! Vethakozhambu and Cauliflower vegetables. My first attempt at Vethakozhambu - and was pretty good - the same rocket fuel taste it is supposed to have!

This, combined with "Home Alone" made for an awesome time!

For the uninitiated, "vethakozhambu" is basically sambhar without the dal

Sambhar = Vethakozhambu + Dal

Basically, if Sambhar is the Sherlock of the family, then Vethakozhambu is the Mycroft - 7 years Sambhar's senior (in spiciness), and not so famous because it is rarely made, and if so, in small quantities. Next to it, Sambhar tastes almost sweet.

The basic Sambhar family "Pyramid of Spiciness" is something as follows:

1)Base - "Dal" (simple "waran" or with tadka - it pales in comparison to the remaining IMHO)

2)Next - "Sambhar" - The most famous member, and the Flagship, if you want to call it that

3) Vethakozhambu - Made properly, it is rocket fuel

4) Pulikachal - This may be considered a cousin of some sort. Have not yet been able to understand its intricacies.

I have absolutely no clue whatsoever

2005-12-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

How arbit can you get. this is what might probably happen if these people were together at the time of the search for the philosopher's stone. God help us all! (and me, for writing this)

Yoda: Hmmm, interesting, this mirror is
Dumbledore: You like many before you have discovered the wonders of the Mirror of Erised
Yoda: Find, philosopher's stone, I must
Gollum: What'sssssss in its pocketsssessssssss?
Darth Vader: mmmmmhhhh.....mmmmmmhhhhhh I am not his Father
Gollum: look in itssss pocketssssesssssss, my precioussssssss!
Red Foreman: Dumass!
Dumbledore: you like so many before you..
Red Foreman: You say that once more and you'll receve a swift kick in the pants. Dumb-ass!!!!!
Darth Vader: mmmmmhhhhh....mmmmmmmmhhhhh I hope I'm not HIS father!
Gollum: pocketssesssss, pocketsssesss, pocketsssessss
Yoda: Interesting, this turn of events is

I plead the insanity defence

Beige

2005-12-26T14:23:00.000-08:00

After quite a while, I have come to understand what "beige" is. It's apparently a kind of lightish brown or something. Now, why someone would decide to name it "beige" is just beyond me. Of course, "lilac", "lavender" are also concepts not in my purview.

The word "beige", however, conveys so much while saying so little!

"How're you feeling?"
"Beige"

"How was your exam?"
"Beige"

"What do you think of India's chances at the World cup?"
"They're Beige"

One is left pondering about the deep meaning behind these words. It's like ringing someone up and saying "T.S.Eliot" and hanging up.

It's just a beige sort of thing.

20 more

2005-12-20T19:15:00.000-08:00

got tagged by Varsha. 20 pet peeves. here goes:

1) People without a sense of Humour. people who just don't get any sorta jokes! Sheesh!
2) Being stuck doing just one thing for real long periods of time. Can only do that with Quizzing/ TP with Friends. Otherwise, no subject can be interesting for so long!
3) People who are so interested in being esoteric for the sake of being esoteric. OK, so you listen to "Industrial" or something else - doesn't mean that there aren't other forms of music buddy!
4) Work, of any sort - Life should be legalized Hedonism!
5) People leaving the microwave on when it's done without hitting the "clear" button. Yeah, I know i'm nitpicking!
6) People telling me I should cut my hair - It's my frickin hair!!!!!
7) Harry potter movies - the only reason I watch them is to bitch about them constantly , and see how they've screwed it up this time!
8) People not knowing "Please", "Thank You" or "Excuse me". Man, how pathetic are you!!!!!
9) @#$%!*& who cut in front of the line at the ticket counter/ bus stop queue. They should be physically beaten in front of everyone! Seriously!
10) Shaving. Like someone pointed out, it's just a thankless job!
11) People pickin their noses on trains. Do I really need to elaborate?
12) People who come late!
13) People with total fraud accents, just to impress other people. I get that you may have to change your accent so some others can understand, or that sometimes you unconsciously change it, but just putting it on - damn annoying!
14) People wearing shoes inside the house (esp mine). I know it's personal choice, but it's just plain unhygenic.
15) Anyone pressuring me to drink. Listen bozo, take the hint, I don't want a pint!
16) The use of "loose" in place of "lose". Even TOI does it! Pathetic!
17) Any Arse-nal fan. No further explanation warranted, obviously!
18) Anyone (plaer/fan) giving up during a sports event. You just can't until the last play is over. Ever!
19) Lechers. Uggghhhh!!!!!!
20) Having to rack my brains to think up 20 pet peeves! Suddenly, I can't seem to recall any!

The Future of Examinations

2005-12-14T14:45:00.000-08:00

Just finished a week of finals. 3 days, 3 exams - back to back. Fun? Err..., lesse.

As someone who must have given close to 300 exams in my life so far (don't worry, if you study long enough, you will too), I find it extremely surprising that no one has ever thought of changing the way exams are arranged. If they really want to motivate you to do well, this is what they should do:

The Scene: An Exam, circa 2010.
The Paper: CAT

As the candidate prepares to enter the examination hall, he is stopped at the entrance.
Cut to voice over and searchlights:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one Fall, with a winner take all policy."

Introducing, in this corner, the 25 time champion, the master of the 3-way disaster, the king of confusing options - I give you CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Imaginary crowd gives raucous roars, quickly drowned out by the boos)

"Aaand, now, introducing......the challenger - from Bombay, India, weighing in at 125 pounds (135.45873, if you count the bag, the pencil and the eraser), with a brain that has tackled many fine examinations before, *insert heroic sounding name here*."

Our hero enters to the tune of "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin. (tada dan, tada dan, tada dan, tada dan.....).

The imaginary crowd is growing wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More and more loud chants of approval!
Searchlights from all corners of the room in GTB, Chinchpokli, Bombay are focussed on our last hope! The pencil and eraser glint menacingly in the soft, cold light! Concentration is etched in the furrows of his forehead, as complex equations chase each other in his head, occasionally interrupted by vivid scenes of battles with Chengiz Khan.

Now, if they made examinations like this, don't you think the world would be a far better place? Definitely! And why stop there? Let's have live commentary as to what's happening - a line-by-line commentary if you will.

And, at the end of it all, the invigilator comes to you and raises your arm in victory.

Now, THAT'S an Examination!

20 things which you could have lived without knowing!

2005-12-08T16:22:00.000-08:00

Me's been tagged by someone who is essentially michael Jordan without any of the skills, so here goes:

1. I love quizzing. There's something magical about being able to figure out an answer (or know it) - there just is!

2. I seem to be on Earth for 2 purposes - a) To eat Sambhar b) To make Sambhar
Since I've been doing the former for around two decades, I guess it's a good time to get started about the latter

3. I have this inasane ability to get up 5 minutes before the alarm clock rings. Don't know how, but always do, no matter how little I have slept. (See, aren't you feeling that your life is fulfilled after reading this?)

4. I like SitComs - especially Seinfeld (and too many others to name here). Jerry Seinfeld is simply the best stand-up comic. period!

5. The world's greatest batsman/cricketer/leader according to me is Steve Waugh. There is no other who can come close.

6. I supported Australia throughout that test series at home in 2001. Was bitterly disappointed after the result at Calcutta.

7. I'd like to do stand - up comedy one day (when I can be assured that everyone has a healthcare plan that safeguards them against my jokes)

8. I like books with a "mythology" behind them. Which is why Potter, LOTR etc. , are my all time faves. Tend to find "enlightening" books a bit of a bore.

9. The longest I have gone without cracking a PJ is roughly 3/4th of a year. (Of course, it was before I was born)

10. I like the travel part, it's the getting there that sucks!

11. My luck with women is only exceeded by Saurav Ganguly's luck with scoring runs, if you get my drift.

12. Would like to travel the world one day.

13. According to me Northern Ireland is one of the most beautiful places on Earth!

14. India's not a country, it's a state of mind. You gotta leave the country to find that out.

15. I'd definitely like to be taller. Especially after hanging around the person who tagged me! :D

16. I will listen to pretty much any kind of music - except, probably death metal.

17. I refuse to call them Mumbai, Chennai or Kolkota. It's always gonna be Bombay, Madras and Calcutta!

18. Will never understand techies. How you can rave about a comp config is simply beyond me.

19. Love the West Indian accent maan!

20. Apparently, I can also count to twenty! :D

A-ha! Now you have attained Nirvana! I know you are in a mode of quiet reflection, feeling happy that your life has finally found meaning! :P

The Eleventh Commandment

2005-12-02T16:20:00.000-08:00

Never go shopping with women. If in doubt, shoot yourself in the foot, then decide. If still in doubt, try a bottle of arsenic, then decide. If still in doubt (or on earth), shoot yourself.

That's what I discovered when a few of us went shopping over Thanksgiving. It's not that I have anything against women, it's just that it is so damn frustrating to watch them shop.

This is probably what goes through a woman's mind while shopping:
"Will this turquoise top go with my fawn trousers. I don't think it'll go with my beige jacket - what do you think"

this is what a guy thinks:
Guy: "Jeans...grunt....blue....good. Shirt....pink....bad"

That's it. Snap decision. No point walking around a store a zillion times. Now you know why they call it "shop till you drop". Walking aimlessly around the same places time and time again - you've gotta be kidding!

So, if you have the misfortune of being stuck on such a shopping spree - my suggestion is to take a small book to while away the time: "War and Peace" and "A Suitable Boy" readily spring to mind. For the more optimistic ones amongst you - the Harry Potter collection is a good start.

The only thing worth buying according to me are - toys and food(In precisely that order). Clothes are just a pain. You've got to try them on, see if they match, see that you're not going to make an absolute ass of yourself wearing it. Too much pressure.

With toys - its easy - I like it, I get it. Which is why a Lego set is ALWAYS a good present for a guy at any age. (Someone actually gave me one when I was 16!). If its fancy, its good. Food - that's one decision made by by an organ below the neck for sure. (The stomach - what were you thinking?).

Of course, food shopping here can be a touch annoying - the number of decisions to be made is just staggering. But that's another story.

20 bits of wisdom

2005-11-30T07:20:00.000-08:00

After all this while, have made quite a few discoveries at Tech. Here they are:

discoveries at GaTech

1. Sleep: whassat?
2. Good Food : whassat?
3. Girls: the complaint seems to be the same in every Engg. Institution - not enough, or not hot enough. The only difference between SPCE and Tech is that tech's got a song about this. (If I have a daughter, I'll send her to tech to increase the ratio!). My PoV still remains the same as it was in SPCE - there are enough. You just ain't searchin hard enough.
4. at 2 a.m. - The best way to wake yourself up is a blast of "Sweet Child o' Mine"
5. Kindergarten education: the only worthwhile education. The rest is crap.
- and that's where we fail. Surprising how many people here don't know basic courtesy.
6. 45: That's the answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. Douglas Adams was off by 3.
7. a Life: What other people have
8. Friends & Family : Not a new discovery, but reinforced time and again - they're the DNA of your existence
9. "Football": Very, very, very, very, very addictive!
10. Windows: much reviled
11. Linux: Much Loved
12. Solaris: Disgusting. It may have the features, but it's gotta look pretty too!
13. Apple: DROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quite simply, the best of the lot! It's just like being a kid!
14. The Lab : A place where time has no meaning
15. Weather: Bombay's got the best weather on da planet!
16. Classes: Great time to catch up on lost sleep
17. Car: not a luxury, but a necessity in this country
18. Management: It's always the way to go
19. Technology: Nice, but perishable and not people driven enough
20. E-mail and chat: Quite simply put, the best thing to have been invented - ever!

Management Fart

2005-11-16T13:54:00.000-08:00

Yup, that pretty much sums up management. Just all fart. Had a lecture on strategy today. I don't think I've ever been clinically dead in this country before! Whoever said that if your strategy can't fit on the back of a business card, it won't work - was a genius! Seriously, how damn hard is it to make up a dumb strategy anyway? All you gotta decide is which person amongst the many you interact with you wanna screw. That's it. "Value Chain", "value propositioning" sheesh - fancy words to fill up a powerpoint slide. And couple that with the picture of a "dressed down" Greek statue with a smiley in the appropriate place that was part of the powerpoint slide, and you start wondering what the hell you're doing here!

I've said it before, and i'll say it again, and i'll probably say it till the cows come home (which , in my case is a ticket to the slammer, cos I don't own either a cow or a home) Formal education is an absolute, total and utter waste of time, money and a whole lotta trees!

Cricket, Football and "Football"

2005-10-30T13:33:00.000-08:00

Being a cricket and football fan, it's pretty hard out here. But, taking a look at what's happening with the red devils this season, my current location may be the best place to be watching the beautiful game. 6th in the table with "Wigan Athletic" ahead of you is not what the doctor ordered. Can't see Fergie sticking around for much longer.

There seems to be a shake-up in the EPL, with former top table players like Arsenal and United stuck in mid table, and mid-table stragglers like Liverpool stuck towards the bottom, and last year's wonderboys Everton threatened with relegation.

Maybe it makes for a more competitive league - dunno, haven't seen any yet.

On the cricket front, with Sachin back in blazing form, it must be a treat to watch. Seems extremely mouth watering just looking at the scores. Am just wondering if Sachin is playing like he did in his 1994-1998 "devil-may-care" attitude, or are these scores the result of the more sedate, but effective approach. Personally, I'd prefer the first approach.

Yes, gridiron football is fun over here. But it does not make up for the sports back home. The main appeal lies in the fact that you get to watch these games right from the sidelines, and the high level of crowd involvement. "Gameday" is an event. People, some who have been following the team for 30-40 years take the day off and come with their families from miles away. There are barbecues and parties and a general carnival atmosphere throughout the day, which is infectious. You can't not be affected by it. (Unless you just hate sports).

And then there's the game itself - simply awesome!

Hmmm, let's hope we get some cricket here fast!

DST

2005-10-29T18:46:00.000-07:00

They say that it takes a child to show you what the world looks like at 3 a.m. in the morning. They are wrong. Just enroll yourself at certain educational institutions. You'll know what the world looks like at 1,2,3,4 and every other time of the morning.

The only thing different about having kids is that you are woken up at 3 a.m., as opposed to being awake throughout. After pondering over this problem for a while, people came up with the idea of daylight savings time. "Simple!", they thought "if we HAVE to get up at 3 a.m., let's fool everyone into thinking it's 4 a.m.!"

However, I'm guessing the kids did not get fooled and ingeniously adapted their body clock to still wake them up at 3 a.m. I wouldn't know, though further research is going on in this area.

Anyways, we switch back from Daylight Savings soon.

Shangri-La

2005-10-24T06:34:00.000-07:00

This weekend was one of the most beautiful times I have experienced. After a really horrible week last week, came friday, and a heaven sent invitation from a friend. After waking up on 10 a.m. on Thursday, and not sleeping a wink till around 45 minutes at 5 p.m. the next day (leaving aside class, of course), when a friend called me over to watch a movie and generally hang out, you'd think I'd be crazy to accept it, rather than S-L-E-E-P! But, I did - grabbed 45 mins of sleep and was off.

Thank God that I did! It was one of the most awesome times in Atlanta. Nice, crisp weather, good food (something that I have learnt to appreciate more and more after coming here), a good movie ("Seven Years in Tibet" - a must watch!), and, best of all, really awesome company! So, even though I finally knocked off only at 1:00 a.m. on Saturday morning, didn't feel a bit tired the entire time. One of those times that you wish would never end.....

Sleep.....huh? whassat?

2005-10-21T13:39:00.000-07:00

It's been that kind of a week. managed 9 hours of sleep over 4 days. Sleep is highly overrated! Oh yeah - if anyone ever offers you a software job, kick them in the unmentionables, preferably with a spiked boot that has been soaking in some toxic waste. Spent 5 days working on a stupid piece of software that would generate random garbage in my code whenever it felt like it, and then had the gall to ask: "The file has changed, do you want to save it?" Spent 3 hours trying to fix a problem that was unfigureoutable, and then, I guess it must have realized that there shouldn't have been there in the first place, and decided to leave. aaaaaaaaarrrghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Man! I feel like a penguin!

2005-10-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

Nope, not a parody on that Shania Twain song. It's kinda how it's been here lately. With "Fall" in full swing, temperatures are taking a nosedive. So, this is my way of dealing with the circumstances:

Long sleeved T-shirt below a Cardigan/Sweatshirt below a Windcheater(those thick ones), and I'm still freezing my a$$ off! Of course, the natives are still wandering about in their "loincloth" equivalents, staring at the penguin, maybe wondering if their turkey will look as stuffed at Thanksgiving!

To make things more interesting, someone at my department building has discovered the joys of digital logic!

Day 1
me: sans windcheater
temperature outside: cold
inside: air conditioning still on!!!!!!!

Day 2
me: penguin
temperature outside: collllld!
inside: blast furnace weather!

Therefore the day strated off with a mild striptease on my part. Which meant I had to carry the clothes all day. AAAAAARGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I........am the very model of a modern major general........

2005-10-12T07:44:00.000-07:00

I just came across the first verse of this in our college newspaper. Been singing it to myself ever since. You musta heard it on many TV shows. Dunno the history behind it or anything, but it's fun!

ARTIST: Gilbert and Sullivan
TITLE: I Am the Very Model of a Modern Major General
Lyrics

[Pirates of Penzance]

I am the very model of a modern Major-General
I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral
I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical

I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical
I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical
About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse

With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotepotenuse

I'm very good at integral and differential calculus
I know the scientific names of beings animalculous
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General

I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's
I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus
In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous

I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies
I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes
Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore

And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore
And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinapinafore

Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform
And tell you ev'ry detail of Caractacus's uniform
In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General

In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin"
When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin
When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at
And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat"

When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery
When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery
In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee

You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a gee
You'll say a better Major-General had never sat a sat a gee

For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury
Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
I am the very model of a modern Major-General

But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral
He is the very model of a modern Major-General

A whole lot of "maybe's"

2005-10-10T07:19:00.000-07:00

It's as weird feeling over here after almost 3 months. It's actually hard to decscribe. You feel that each person is wrapped in their individual plastic bubble. There is contact, conversation etc., but there is no connection, no spark. It's like being stuck in a bad sitcom. Everybody knows what the joke is, and they'll laugh when it comes, but there is no mirth behind the laughter. There is just existence.

The worst part is, it doesn't feel wrong or anything, there is no feeling; if there is, it does not show. Maybe this is how it is on planet Vulcan. Maybe everyone has undergone some kind of mind control, yours truly included. Emotion could come bottled in a can for all we know.

Maybe this is part of a process of conditioning of the mind, or maybe its just homesickness, or maybe it's something I just do not have the perspective to describe. Maybe this is what all those weird 70s songs and surrealist paintings were about.

Perhaps it's just a phase.

On ESPN!

2005-10-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 3rd home game. It was simply AWESOME! For the last 3 minutes, the crowd went WILD, as the jackets drove from the 50 yard line all the way to the 2 yard line! However, we mucked up the last play, and consequently lost 17-14.
If anyone had seen his game as their 1st "football" game, they would never want to miss it for anything.

Comment overherd during the game:

An NCSU (the "Wolfpack") fan was right in the midst of us yellow jackets and was cheering wildly. He had the wolf mask on, which he removed briefly to celebrate.
An old lady - a Jacket fan, promptly quipped, "Hey, put the mask back on! You're scaring me!" :D

As a personal highlight, I came up on the big screen in the stadium (which also means I made it onto ESPN!!!!!). The Jackets mascot - "Buzz" climbed into the stands right next to me and was standing near me. So, obviously, the camera focussed on him - and caught me in its net ! :D

Man, our boys have heart!

S.S.

2005-10-03T18:50:00.000-07:00

This is a real short S.S. (short story) Well, I've been tagged by Ranjitha.
Let's see if this works.

Mulder was perplexed. He stared at the piece of paper in front of him. In spite of his experiences with the X-files, he had never come across such an unexplainable problem. Maybe this was yet another experience modern day science could not eplain, maybe it was a new alien conspiracy.

Scully leaned over, took one look at it, and said, "You blasted twit, you forgot to carry the four!"

(70)

A view of the future

2005-10-02T15:03:00.000-07:00

This is an article that appeared in "Khabar" - an Asian Indian Magazine here in Atlanta. Pretty awesome!

Indian English: It Vill Be Wery Helpful, Yaar!

Lighter Side

It is the year 2020 and call centers are opening all over the West, as India, the new economic power, outsources work to the countries where many jobs originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the world: EuRupees.

Some of them, eager to land one of the customer service jobs from India, are attending special training sessions in New York City, led by language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers. “Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you’ll be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you’ll be Ranjit. And Jane, you’ll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?”

Gary: “Name as tea?”
Professor: “I think you mean ‘namaste.’ Very good. But what do you say after that?”
Gary: “How can I help you?”
Professor: “You’re on the right track. Anyone else?”
Jane: “How can I be helping you?”
Professor: “Good try! You’re using the correct tense, but it’s not quite right. Anyone else?”
Randy: “How I can be helping you?”

Professor: “Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let’s try some small talk. Give me a comment that would help you make a connection with your Indian customers.”
Randy: “It’s really hot, isn’t it?”
Professor: “The heat is always a good topic, but you haven’t phrased it correctly. Try again.”
Randy: “It’s deadly hot, isn’t it?”
Professor: “That’s better. But your tag question can be greatly improved.”
Randy: “It’s deadly hot, no?”
Professor: “Wonderful! You can put ‘no?’ at the end of almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?”
Jane: “Yes, we are understanding you, no?”

Professor (smiles): “We may need to review this later. But let’s move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word ‘yaar’?”
Randy: “Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, ‘Randy, give me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer.”
Professor (laughs): “That’s a different ‘yaar,’ yaar. The ‘yaar’ that I’m talking about means friend or buddy. You can use it if you’ve developed a camaraderie with a customer. For example, you can say, ‘Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best deal.’ Do you understand, Jagadamba?”
Jane: “Yaar, I do.”

Professor (smiles): “Okay, let’s talk about accents. If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my vife,' how would you respond?"
Randy: "Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight."
Professor: “Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven’t said anything in a while. Do you have any questions about what we’ve just learned?”
Gary: “Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn’t it be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?”

The Evolution of Technology

2005-10-01T17:22:00.000-07:00

Evolution is a marvellous thing. You really appreciate this, especially if you deal with computers. For those who came in late, this is how the story goes: Billions of years ago, in the 1940s, when dinosaurs roamed the earth, people developed electronic computers. Then appeared the PC with its command line interface. A big, black screen with little white characters - very un-user friendly. Then came Mr. Bill Gates who popularised the concept of the Graphic User Interface. Everybody loved this. It made the computer accessible to the masses. So, what would be the next logical step? Something better than GUI, something to make work easier? No! Why? Because that would make sense!

There were people in low places who decided that the nerds would have their revenge! How dare humanity rob us of our rights as a geek! Sacrilege! Unfortunately, these people also had power. They probably had worse hair styles than Mr. Gates, but I digress by talking about things which are not directly related to the issue on hand. That, by the way is called procrastination.

So, these people with bad hair styles decided that they would convince the world that they must return to the command line interface and also that this was a good thing! Somehow, they succeeded, at least on the professional front.

Therefore, today we have to use the Linux command line interface. The work which we could have accomplished in 1 hour with GUI, we accomplish in 8 hours, and the loss of a saturday. However, remember, this is a good thing. You have more control over what you do. You have more instructions to play around with. Many more ways in which you can screw up, so that these people with the bad hairstyles can laugh esoterically as you scour the internet trying to look for solutions for questions which people have been asking for years.

This is good for the economy, so these people can get better hairstyles. However, that's not going to happen anytime soon, because of the problem with beauty parlours (see earlier post)

Evolution is a marvellous thing!

First

2005-09-25T16:01:00.000-07:00

Got my first paycheck. A grand amount of $88.17. Feels nice to see the bank account go up for once. :D

First ever paycheck, and it's not in the currency I am so familiar with. It's a start.

Tech Cheers- III

2005-09-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

This cheer is reserved when we play against the bulldogs of the University of Georgia. As you can see, there's not much love lost between us! Someone really put a lot of work into this cheer!

To Hell with Georgia
(to the tune of Glory, Glory Hallelujah)

Don't send my boy to MIT
The dying mother said,
Don't send my boy to Emory
I'd rather see him dead,
But send my boy to Georgia Tech
'Tis better than Cornell.
And as for the University of Georgia
I'd rather see him in hell!

To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
The cesspool of the South!

Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the stomping of the Dogs
We will teach the poor dumb farmboys
They should stick to sloppin' hogs
When the Jackets are triumphant
There will be a mighty cheer
We'll do the same next year!

To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
The cesspool of the South!

On the Field between the hedges
There arose a mighty stench,
In the Dogs' machine the engineers
Had thrown a monkey wrench.
When the Jackets are triumphant
We will raise a mighty yell,
Them Dogs can GO TO HELL!!

To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
The cesspool of the South!

Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the N.C. Double-A
They're investigating GA players
To see how much they're paid
After counting all the cars
And the loans Alumni made,
They out pay the NBA.

To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
To Hell, to Hell, to Hell with Georgia,
The cesspool of the South!

Tech Cheers - II

2005-09-23T16:25:00.000-07:00

This is an actual cheer that we do. The most popular cheer by far.

Ramblin' Wreck

I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer,
A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer,
Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear.
I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer.

Oh, If I had a daughter sir, I'd dress her in white and gold.
And put her on the campus, to cheer the brave and bold.
But if I had a son sir, I'll tell you what he'd do:
He would yell, "To Hell With Georgia!" like his daddy used to do.

Oh I wish I had a barrel of rum, and sugar three thousand pounds,
A college bell to put it in, and the clapper to stir it 'round,
I'd drink to all the good fellows who'd come from far and near,
I'm a rambling, gambling, Hell Of An Engineer! Hey!

Tech Cheers - I

2005-09-23T16:19:00.000-07:00

These are some of the cheers which we do at Tech games. The product of generations upon generations of frustrated engineers:

The oldest cheer (circa 1892)

"Differential Y,
Differential X,
To hell with differentials,
We want sex!

Engineers touchdown,
Engineers yell,
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets
Fight like hell! "

R.I.P.

2005-09-23T07:56:00.000-07:00

R.I.P. Ginny

:'(

Salt

2005-09-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

If there's one item that I am not confident about while cooking - its the amount of salt I have to put. Somehow, it's more complex than rocket science to me!
"How much do I put?"
"Did I put too much?"
"Will I have dinner today?"

It's a nightmare! I always end up puting less, and then compensating for it at the end. Its better than putting too much, I guess!

Imagine how embarrassing it must have been for the great scientists of the past.
Their wives probably went - "Oh sure! You can figure out exactly how much Plutonium to put in your stupid bomb - but can you get the right amount of salt in the food? And you say you're smarter? Bah!"

"But.....I'm sorry.....how much.....how do you figure this......damn!"

When you cook as a bachelor, you are very much like a sales guy - you look for volume. "What can I possibly add to this so that the amount of food increases? Water? puree? onion?" Anything so that I can extend the time for which I do not have to cook. Its all about volume. volume, volume, volume!

Algorithms for Aloos!

2005-09-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

Cooking is perhaps a domestic chore that has the most potential application in any field in life - be it science, engineering or anything else. Today, while cutting potatoes, I discovered two separate algorithms for completing the task.

Algorithm 1
This is the less efficient algorithm. I call it the power of two algorithm. It goes like this:

1. cut the potato in half.
2. take each half and cut it in half.
repeat the above two steps until required size is achieved.

It seems simple to describe, yet, it takes a lot of time to get down to a manageable size.

Algorithm 2
This is a lot more parallel processing. It is highly efficient and achieves results faster.

1. Cut the potato into 4 quarters.
2. Take one quarter,make it lie on its flat side and cut it perpendiclar to its lon axis, making several parallel cuts.
3. Now gather these parallel slices together and cut them perpendicular to the previous direction.

The small sizes are achieved much faster!

Perhaps this is where our formal education fails us. Maybe household chores should be part of the curriculum. A lot of new ideas strike you when you are trying to do these as fast as possible. Perhaps the future of this planet lies in the hands of the humble household chore-doer, rather than the rocket scientist!

Marriage

2005-09-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

I am currently living with a roommate. Therefore, for the first time in ages, I have had to share a room with someone, and, believe me, it gets on your nerves! This is why marriage is such a tough thing.

What is marriage after all, if not a legal agreement saying that you agree to be roommates for the rest of your life? No wonder people are so hesitant about marriage. The priest might as well say: "I now pronounce you - roommates for life."

This brings to a close one of the weirdest cycles in a human beings history. During childhood, a person is told to sleep alone in their room, while the supposedly "brave" adults are busy sharing a room. After a lot of tantrums and pleadings, the child learns to live alone in a room. In fact, they start to enjoy it! They continue to do this till they reach marriageable age.

Then, suddenly, the very same parents do a volte face and say - "Right, we now want you to get a roommate for life." And its not just the parents, every person they've ever known is insisting on it. No wonder married people are always confused.

Then comes along a child, (who is basically a roommate who never pays the rent, eats all your food and demands that you clean up after him/her.) and the entire cycle begins again!

Polyandrists and Polygamists sought to remedy the roommate for life concept with a novel idea - have more then one roommate for life, and force them to share rooms while you have one to yourself. While they were patting themselves on the back for their moment of inspiration, some lawyer came along and decided that it wasn't right!

Disclaimer: The author in no way endorses, approves or supports Polyandry/ Polygamy. The author only supports Poly - gone

Why Men are slobs

2005-09-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

Men are not born slobs. In fact, till around the age of 12-13, men and women are equally clean. Then, unfortunately, puberty hits. No matter how hard men try to be clean, its like someone planted a weed on their body. You shave in the morning, and at 5 o'clock - its back again!
After months of struggle, men realize that resistance is futile. Nature intended them to be this way. There's simply no fighting it! They give in.

You may be wondering - doesn't puberty hit women too? Then why is it that they aren't slobs?
The answer to this lies in the sheer ingenuity of women. A long time ago, they held a secret conference to solve this very problem. The result - the beauty parlour.

The sheer simplicity and beauty [pun intended] of this invention is to be marvelled at. It allows a woman to be clean, and also allows them a private haven where they can discuss future courses of action.

Men, however, never came up with such an invention (for explanations, read the previous post.)
Of late, however, some men have managed to create a pseudo beauty parlour concept of their own. However, these are a minority group and are generally regarded as androgynous by the male community.

If food was the reason marriage was created, beauty parlours are the reason why they fail.
This development of pseudo beauty parlours is more common in developed countries rather than developing countries. Unfortunately, when men invade this female bastion, they see things that they should not see. This aggrieves the female of the species to such an extent, that they are forced to break the food contra......sorry, "marriage".

It is now obvious why the divorce rates are much higher in developed countries rather than developing countries.

QED.

So, the reality we have to live with, is this. If food is the raison d'etre of marriage, then the slobiness of man is what keeps it going. The moment men enter beauty parlours, they risk losing their source of edible food. Hence, if society as we know it has to survive, men need to continue remaining slobbish, or learn how to cook (yeah, right!).

Men Can't Cook

2005-09-18T07:27:00.000-07:00

Men can't cook. This is a simple fact of life. Let's face it - the only thing men can't burn is water (although this may be because it is physically impossible to do so). A man realizes this when he is forced to live alone. However, there is another fact of life - women can cook! This is the driving force behind the human species.

No matter how badly a woman cooks (or thinks she cooks), she cannot match male incompetency in cooking.

Men realized this back in the stone age. After 3 months of eating his own "food", some cavewoman waltzed into a caveman's house and made a meal which tasted like a meal. This earth shattering discovery led man to establish the institution of marriage. The bedrock of marriage is food. That is also its raison d'etre. Procreation , Love etc. are just side effects.

At the same time, there did exist a sub species of men who could cook - but they died out as they did not marry.

The proof of this caveman realization is very much evident today. Ever wonder why the only food you enjoy is home cooked food? Why is it that food outside - from a sandwich waala to a five star restaurant tastes bad? Simple - ever notice who the chefs are? Men! Some poor idiot did try to solve this problem by inventing refridgeration - but that's another story.

Women, you may be led to believe that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach - WRONG! A man's heart is his stomach. In fact a man has no heart. There is just one massive hole where the heart should be (the stomach expands to fill this void as nature abhors a vacuum).

Next: Women can't drive!

Multi- cultural

2005-09-16T07:54:00.000-07:00

Our Group for the project in the Principles of Management for Engineers Course has a rather interesting mix of people - 2 Indians, 1 West Indian, a Pakistani and a Chinese. So it seems that cricket talk might be the order of the day!

The industry we are analyzing - silicon (no, unfortunately, not the kind that involves reading Playboy and Penthouse for, ahem..."research" purposes )

If there is an accent worth picking up, I would say it is the Carribbean accent. It has a lazy elegance about it.

On the sporting front, with the Red Devils Screwing things up in the derby, and the lack of cricketing news here - I guess it'll have to be gridiron for me!

Go Yellow Jackets!

2005-09-10T21:11:00.000-07:00

Went to watch my first football game today - live at the stadium. As luck would have it - I got a place right next to the opposing team's supporters. More importantly, however, it was right next to the cheerleaders! ;)

This is the way fans should be treated! Decent seats, good food,(better than a stale overpriced samosa at Wankhede) water in a cup (and not a packet), and good restrooms (trust me, never go for a one dayer at Wankhede if its not the pavilion)

The atmosphere was electric! Cheerleaders, Bands, Instant replays, announcers pumping up the crowd - it's worth going even if you understand zilch about this game.

On the flipside, there's not the same satisfaction as cheering in the North Stand at Wankhede! Something in the language, I guess.

Really wish we could have the same back home - sport would be really awesome then!

And, by the way - Tech won their second straight in a row!
Go Yellow Jackets!

SpanX

2005-09-08T20:03:00.000-07:00

Sounds like a XXX rated movie name, doesn't it? Well, that's the name of a women's undergarments brand that was the brainchild of one Sara Blakley - an entrepreneur. Starting with just $5,000 of her savings in 2000 and a crazy idea about legless stockings; this sales trainer by day/stand-up comedian by night took a huge slice out of the male dominated(we will do ANYTHING to meet women) hosiery industry. Today, her company is worth $10,000,000.

Why am I suddenly sermonising on ladies lingerie? 'Cos yesterday, we had a thoroughly entertaining seminar by this lady (counting for extra credit on a course). Pretty awesome! No management fundamentals, no legal training (she wrote the patent herself) and limited marketing skills - and in 5 years she's a gazillionaire - and its been fun! Now that's something worth aiming for. Tremendous sense of humour too. Check out some of the label names she came up with:

Power panties, All the Way, Bra-llelujah and Bod-a-bing.

Now that's creativity! ;)

Her next product: something for the male beer belly.

The G-word

2005-09-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

One realizes the real power of Google when one is here. When someone calls you up to ask for directions (and this person might be in another corner of this country), and you open google maps so you can direct them every step of the way, the power of google really hits you!

These guys have the country mapped down to every street and lane!

Google seems to be the answer to most things here. Want to order out, but don't know where to find a Chinese place? No problem! Just Google it!

In the future, one can imagine these scenarios as commonplace:

A typical test announcement: "Today's test will be open book and open google"

A popular sequel: "Why women can't read Google maps and men won't ever bother to Google for directions"

Sign outside a now defunct hermitage: "Want to find the Path to Enlightenment? Just Google!"

There will probably be temples dedicated to Google.

The G-word may come to mean - Google, not God.

To paraphrase a friend of mine - Is this Omniscia?

a PANTastic record

2005-09-06T05:42:00.000-07:00

It has just occured to me that I have achieved a unique record, which I'm pretty much sure no one outside the Arctic or Antarctic Circle must have achieved. I just realized today, that ever since my arrival in the U.S. of A. on August 1st, I have never worn anything but full pants!
Yes - that's a grand total of 37 straight days of eating, sleeping and generally spending all time (outside of the can, of course) in my jeans.

Probably the longest time I've done this since the day I was born!

Which effectively means that my knees have never seen anything in America outside the John!

a LABOURious Weekend

2005-09-05T19:06:00.000-07:00

It was the Labour Day Weekend here - Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Over here, except for Independence Day and Christmas, all holidays are arranged to be on Fridays or Mondays. (great idea!)

Saw my first "football" game here - Grorgia tech vs Auburn Univ. Although we were less fancied, we managed to win. It's a pretty exciting game - gotta get used to it.

Also, was awaiting the Sania-Maria match with drooling tongue. I went to the Bathroom - and missed it.

Aside from that, when you really don't have much to do in a new city, a weekend can get pretty labourious! At one point, I was so bored, I got bored of being bored.

For the first time I really missed all the people back home like crazy.

My First Post

2005-09-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

Let me entertain you.

That's what this blog's for. And guess what? just at the exact same time that I decided this blog - i've been struck with a severe case of writer's block! :D