Waddiwasi

The Cover Letter - always an indispensible part of the job application process. This is what an ideal cover letter should look like:

Dear yyyyyy,

I am yyyyyyy from zzzzzzz doing aaaaaaa. I am applying for the Internship opportunities in your company. I am especially interested in the field of xxxxx.


I have attached my resume along with the mail for your perusal.

Thank You,

Yours sincerely,

vvvvvv


All very nice, prim and proper, a model of perfection!
After several such cover letters, and searching through the multitude of positions on the infernal company websites, after filling out a 10 page form of bullcrap, I have come to the conclusion that the following cover letter would be far more appropriate:

Dear vvvvv,

I want a job in your company. Why? Simple - Money. I wanna spend huge, buy Porsches and cruise around in them. Frankly, the job description sucks. I mean, what does "must be able to perform with assistance" mean anyway? Do I have any software skills? Sure! About as much as a water buffalo, isn't that enough? What's the point anyway, all codes are always riddled with errors. If they're not, something's wrong.

I have relevant job experience! I have perfected the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing the whole day. It was hard work, but I'm sure you'll find that it's an invaluable asset of mine.

I have attached my resume with this mail. Why? I don't know. I know you're not gonna bother reading it anyway. If you did, I wouldn't get asked the same stupid questions at every career fair.

So, give me the job.

Up Yours,

xxxxxxxx



A little extreme? Well, if you've seen "great" companies having job descriptions like:

"Must be able to perform with assistance" (yes, I know what you're thinking)
"Must have sense of urgency" (the loo, anyone?)
"Must be self motivated"
"Must have quality of work"
"Must have pride in work"

one does tend to go a little off the deep end. Especially if the rest of the job description is rather "vague".