What they don't teach you in History class...
OK, so it's a bad take on the title of a book. They say that you learn more in one mile of travel than you do after reading a thousand pages. And that, I have found, is absolutely true. History, it seems, has been widely misinterpreted over the ages. Here are a few facts that will make your head spin (in many senses of that phrase)
Misnomer: Colonialism was because the European powers wanted to expand their trade and commerce.
Fact: This is actually a well known rumor. The fact of the matter is that there were several reasons for colonization.
Firstly, you may wonder why it was that of the British Isles, only the English colonized the entire world, and why they, amongst the European powers were the most successful. The answer, is quite, "Elementary".
The Scottish, the Irish, and the Welsh did try their hand at colonization. However, the moment the Scottish ships started to play the bagpipes, Poseidon took it as a task unto himself to make sure that that infernal music was cut out immediately! Therefore, no Scottish ship ever made it out of the territorial waters of Scotland.
The Irish did try, bless those hardworking souls. But, then, there is only so far one can steer a ship on ten bottles of whisky.
The Welsh - well, frankly, who understands them.
The English, however, had the perfect, motivation. Yes, you guessed it! Food!
After a thousand years of eating bread and cheese, they were fed up. "Blimey!" some bright blighter must've yelled, "I'm tired of living in a place, where the delicacy is something called 'Spotted Dick with Custard'! ". (author's note: folks, I am NOT making this up!) Anyone who has ever tasted British cooking would certainly agree. And so, led by their stomach, they made a beeline for the culinary heartland of the planet.
The French were obviously disadvantaged here, as they could cook to save their lives. Their ultimate downfall lay in the fact that they spoke French. Enough said.
(This is also why people take Canada only half as seriously as they should. This is also why people in Quebec are well fed, whereas people in British Columbia are starving)
Misnomer: Columbus failed in his mission to reach India by sailing the other way
Fact: Columbus wasn't a fool. Unfortunately, his love for India was what led to his ultimate downfall. You see, Columbus did achieve his goal. It's just that he gave up half way. He got to the right place all right, but just to the wrong coast. Had he just travelled 2500 miles more west, he would've hit paydirt! Indians as far as the eye can see! (He could've swung an Indian, and hit two more Indians busy coding something). I am talking, of course, about California.
However, the fault is not entirely his. Reports are sketchy, but it is said that he was using some software written by a certain well known company from a far off land. Sources say that it was not documented properly...
Misnomer: Colonialism was because the European powers wanted to expand their trade and commerce.
Fact: This is actually a well known rumor. The fact of the matter is that there were several reasons for colonization.
Firstly, you may wonder why it was that of the British Isles, only the English colonized the entire world, and why they, amongst the European powers were the most successful. The answer, is quite, "Elementary".
The Scottish, the Irish, and the Welsh did try their hand at colonization. However, the moment the Scottish ships started to play the bagpipes, Poseidon took it as a task unto himself to make sure that that infernal music was cut out immediately! Therefore, no Scottish ship ever made it out of the territorial waters of Scotland.
The Irish did try, bless those hardworking souls. But, then, there is only so far one can steer a ship on ten bottles of whisky.
The Welsh - well, frankly, who understands them.
The English, however, had the perfect, motivation. Yes, you guessed it! Food!
After a thousand years of eating bread and cheese, they were fed up. "Blimey!" some bright blighter must've yelled, "I'm tired of living in a place, where the delicacy is something called 'Spotted Dick with Custard'! ". (author's note: folks, I am NOT making this up!) Anyone who has ever tasted British cooking would certainly agree. And so, led by their stomach, they made a beeline for the culinary heartland of the planet.
The French were obviously disadvantaged here, as they could cook to save their lives. Their ultimate downfall lay in the fact that they spoke French. Enough said.
(This is also why people take Canada only half as seriously as they should. This is also why people in Quebec are well fed, whereas people in British Columbia are starving)
Misnomer: Columbus failed in his mission to reach India by sailing the other way
Fact: Columbus wasn't a fool. Unfortunately, his love for India was what led to his ultimate downfall. You see, Columbus did achieve his goal. It's just that he gave up half way. He got to the right place all right, but just to the wrong coast. Had he just travelled 2500 miles more west, he would've hit paydirt! Indians as far as the eye can see! (He could've swung an Indian, and hit two more Indians busy coding something). I am talking, of course, about California.
However, the fault is not entirely his. Reports are sketchy, but it is said that he was using some software written by a certain well known company from a far off land. Sources say that it was not documented properly...
posted by Firebringer at 9:56 PM
10 Comments:
The French spend on an average of 3 hours per meal. If they can't cook to save their lives, there's little else they can do.
Awesome! You are on a roll here. Keep them coming in.
The best history lesson by far was:
1604: Akbar died.
:D
As you said, Columbus need not feel so sad anymore! Whatever land he discovered will be as good as India in a few years times, what with so many Indians there! :)
Actually, it WOULD be nice to be Columbus, smiling smugly in the grave, scoffing at the idiots who claim that he erred in finding India!!!
lol, u r funny... thanks for makin me smile :)
I happen to like British cuisine XD maybe it was an excess of baked beans that made them leave...because they must have been really cramped on that island...if you catch my drift...
Good one! Made me smile...whatever prompted u to write this?
hi, just getting into the loop!
im gessin u r mostly american idiots so i won't patronise u, but il give u a proper history lesson and im gessin u never paid attention to this fact but ur descended from english or british in general is the majority of ur population and the view of the french is quite racist as the french may be proficient cooks but hav a luk into ther history and you shall see how it wasn't the british alone who controlled part of america. so if ur from the south or the midlands of U.S.A then there is a high chance of u being related to a french family
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