Ten things I.....
My observations on Bushland:
1. American English is not an invention of Microsoft, it is a reality. It is a language which has a unique alphabet, where the letters "G" and "J" are indistinguishable. This is proven by the fact that every time I spell out my last name for them, the first letter they type/write/repeat is invariably "G"
2. America is the world's first country to be inhabited by non-humans. It is a country designed for and ruled by the automobile. To imagine America, imagine a huge parking lot with people and trees randomly thrown in.
3. There are infinitely more laptops than laps in this country.
4. America runs on Gas(sic)
5. The pedestrian signals were designed by someone who obviously ran as fast as Carl Lewis. It is humanly impossible to cross the roads in the duration of time the pedestrian light stays green.
6. America is redefining the world - literally. It is singularly impossible to find out news about any other country on Earth by watching the news channels here. In fact, it is equally impossible to find out anything about the country itself. George Bush isn't idiotic, he's simply doing the best he can with the information given to him.
7. Outside of New York, public transportation is a sham. It is possible to get directions even to the loo, but it will have to be by car!
8. Americans are probably from Australia. This is borne out by the fact that they generally jog at 2 a.m. in the mornings, and the colder it gets, the fewer clothes they wear while doing so.
9. There is an entire time zone in America which no one cares about. It may or may not exist, I don't know. There have been rumours of people going to the Dakotas, but, as someone said, no one cares about the Dakotas anyway!
10. Schedule (Skedule) is the most annoying word in the English Language.
10.
1. American English is not an invention of Microsoft, it is a reality. It is a language which has a unique alphabet, where the letters "G" and "J" are indistinguishable. This is proven by the fact that every time I spell out my last name for them, the first letter they type/write/repeat is invariably "G"
2. America is the world's first country to be inhabited by non-humans. It is a country designed for and ruled by the automobile. To imagine America, imagine a huge parking lot with people and trees randomly thrown in.
3. There are infinitely more laptops than laps in this country.
4. America runs on Gas(sic)
5. The pedestrian signals were designed by someone who obviously ran as fast as Carl Lewis. It is humanly impossible to cross the roads in the duration of time the pedestrian light stays green.
6. America is redefining the world - literally. It is singularly impossible to find out news about any other country on Earth by watching the news channels here. In fact, it is equally impossible to find out anything about the country itself. George Bush isn't idiotic, he's simply doing the best he can with the information given to him.
7. Outside of New York, public transportation is a sham. It is possible to get directions even to the loo, but it will have to be by car!
8. Americans are probably from Australia. This is borne out by the fact that they generally jog at 2 a.m. in the mornings, and the colder it gets, the fewer clothes they wear while doing so.
9. There is an entire time zone in America which no one cares about. It may or may not exist, I don't know. There have been rumours of people going to the Dakotas, but, as someone said, no one cares about the Dakotas anyway!
10. Schedule (Skedule) is the most annoying word in the English Language.
10.
posted by Firebringer at 1:41 PM
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