The Art of Packing

Packing is the singularly worst experience you can go through. Never before have so many scraps of paper meant so much to so few. (sorry Winston) Perhaps the worst part about packing is the essential two phase split that it invloves - the night before, and the morning after. Like with many things in life, one can go with full gusto the night before, but it is the morning after that matters more.

My personal problem is related to two things - the toothbrush and the shoe. The problem with the former is that one can never pack it till the morning after - and one does tend to forget it. It is not a nice feeling to realize in the middle of your train/plane journey that your toothbrush is currently talking behind your back with the cistern back home (or something more literary sounding).


The shoe is perhaps the most unpackable thing engineered by mankind. When one at last feels contentment about having managed to stuff all your clothes into the bag, it is quickly shattered when you walk by your shoe rack. How on Earth do you pack it? It is in this matter that I do not envy women, who, in my opinion, possess too many shoes anyway (sneakers, formal shoes and floaters, and you should be good to go - anyway, to each his/her own).

To Shave or not to shave, THAT is the real question!

It is a truth, universally acknowledged that a single man, in possession of clothing, must be in need of a laundry. The fact that these are unattached to most homes in Austin, makes life very difficult. However, there are more pressing matters on a man's mind than clean clothing.

It is another truth, universally acknowledged that no man likes to shave. It is with an amazement that every young man admires the father figures in his life, hoping that he may one day shave like them. It takes him precisely 2 minutes after his first shave to realize what a fool he hath been for thinking so!

Women often complain that men are in need of a shave. But, in their defence, men have only this to say:

In sooth, I know not why I am so
It wearies me, you say it wearies you.
But how I caught it, bought it or came by it
What stuff 'tis made of, whereof 'tis born
I am yet to learn.

Men have long since acknowledged the futility of shaving. History is littered with instances of men failing to make that fatal promise.

Even Shakespeare could not bring himself to make Romeo utter such words. I am sure when Juliet proclaimed:

"That was the nightingale and not the Lark"

Romeo heaved a sigh of relief for the few more hours spent away from the razor's edge. (Now one understands the true purport of Maugham's words!)

Bheeshma could take the terrible vow of celibacy, but even he could not bring himself to say: "Hear me O Gods! I vow that henceforth, I will shave everyday!"


Many brave men have promised the women in their lives - "I shall climb the highest mountains for thee", "I shall sail the seven seas for thee", but, it is truly a brave and lovestruck man that promises: "I will shave everyday for thee."

Instantly, upon uttering these words, a man's measure rises infinitely in the eyes of his peers. Fortunately, women seem content with the fact that all the mountain climbing and sea sailing are significant enough expressions of love.

But mountains can always be climbed, and seas always be sailed without the pain of shaving everyday. In fact, 'tis a little known fact that all these feats were performed as a means of getting away from shaving everyday. For, on a long sea voyage, one does not feel such a need. It was this singular fact that convinced men that the world should be flat, for that would mean never having to shave again!


(With sincere apologies to William and Jane)

Houston, we have a problem! (aka - "How They Brought the Good News from Austin to Atlanta" )

The flight from Austin-Atlanta was a rather interesting one. It had a stopover at Houston. Now, I had booked an unearthly 6 a.m. flight from Austin, in the hope to getting back to Atlanta by 11:30 a.m.. The other alternative got me back to Atlanta at 4:30 p.m.

After an unearthly (yup - GRE gives u a rich vocab, doesn't it?) wakeup at 4 a.m., I managed to reach the airport on time and board the flight. The weather Gods, it seems, had decided to work this weekend. Houston was struck by a spell of bad weather, and no flights could make it there. After a 3 hour wait, which meant I had missed my connecting flight, the airline put me on a later flight from Houston to Atlanta.

After arriving at Houston, I found that the the 11 a.m. connecting flight was delayed, not because the plane had not arrived - oh no - the plane was standing right there, waiting; but rather because the crew had not arrived - they were due on a flight from Austin which had been delayed. So, after waiting till 1 o'clock for the crew, we finally boarded the plane. Sweet Atlanta was just 2 1/2 hours away.

Of course, when the weather gods left, they decided to take the medical gods to golf as well. Halfway into the flight, the captain announced: "Folks, we have a medical emergency on board, I'm afraid we have to turn back." At this point, one strongly got the suspicion that the captain was living out his childhood dream of flying aboard Apollo 13.

After waiting for 2 more hors at Houston, (partially because the printer wasn't functioning), we finally took off.

Just as we finally landed - there was a brief moment of silence, broken the tongue-in-cheek comment over the intercom: "Folks, welcome back to Houston!"

So, after carefully planning a 11 a.m. arrival to avoid the 4:30 p.m. one, one mercifully made it back at the glorious hour of 8 p.m.!

Bombay

Yup, Bombay. Folks, there's just no other city like it. That's one thing that's become very clear after coming here. When you are in a country where a car is not a luxury, but a necessity, and the public transportation in all places ( save NYC) is minimal to non-existant, you really miss Bombay. Especially in Texas, where everything is far far away.

When you are in Bombay, you complain about the heat, the bad roads, the annoying taxiwallahs, the overcrowded buses and trains. When you are out of Bombay, you complain about the lack of: heat, bad roads, annoying taxiwallahs, overcrowded buses and trains. (OK, so I exaggerate about the road aspect). You got an urge to see the gateway and you're stuck at Borivali, no problem - u'll be there in a jiffy. No such thing here - spontaniety is something that needs to be carefully planned out.

The funniest thing is the loose use of the term "city". Atlanta, Austin, Houston, Dallas, etc are all "cities". I guess I need to switch to Miriam Webster instead of Oxford!

So, folks, India may well be only a state of mind, but Bombay - ah - there's no place on Earth that'll ever be like it!

This is texas

Overheard a rather interesting conversation last week:

Person A: "Say, that Colorado river which runs through Austin, is that the same one which carves out the Grand Canyon?"

Person B: "Yeah, I guess so"

Person A: "Then why do they call it a Lake in Austin."

Person B: "Because it is a Lake"

Person A: "I stayed in a hotel overlooking it. Looked like a river to me."

Person B: (momentarily lost for words). "Wait a minute, you're from Boston, aren't you?"

Person A: "Yes."

Person B: "Well, this is Texas, things are different here."

And that, folks sums up what it's all about. This is texas, so everything's bigger here. This is texas. That's the reason for everything. That's the Great State of texas.

Lab rats

OK. So, I'm back. Why? Don't know. After months of frustrating hours in a lab, one gets to observe a rather weird variety of creatures there:

1) Annoying, loud desi undergrads - Yeah, people who have to discuss on the phone everything from their personal life, what they're doing this saturday night, yadda yadda yadda

2) Annoying loud desi undergrads with fake Amroo accents

"So, what's up dawg?" "you done with that assignment man?" After a while, it gets to you. Annoyingly, the women are even more annoying than the guys.

3) Annoying loud desi undergrads with fake amroo accents and a limited vocabulary -

"What the f*** man. Shit, I thought the interconnect was f**** supposed to be f*** here. f*** man, I'm so f***n screwed. You mean that's not the way you do that f*** thing? F*** dude...." etc etc etc. It's marvellous how deep and rich the English language can be. I'm sure a budding Shakespeare is in our midst.

4) Weird Oriental people -

They're there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Playing video games all throughout. And of course, the mega oversized headphones. Perhaps it is of these people that Frost was referring to when he said - "I do not know if he was walling in or walling out."

There is a rumor that both of them are the same person. But that is yet to be confirmed.

5) The corridor pacers

People who do not actually work in the lab, but pace around the corridor, talking on phones incessantly.

6) The Linux lab VLSI folks -

"Draw once, compile 25 times" seems to be their motto. All they seem to do is sit on the SUN computers all day, draw one, small colored line, and watch the compilation run for a few minutes, before starting again.