Chasing Orion into the Rising Sun

OK. The raison d'etre for this post is just the title. Like with
a friend, the title just popped into my head, and I had to write something about it.

It was Diwali, and I was on my way to the City of Angels on an overnight bus ride. At around 3 a.m. in the morning, nodding off at the window, I just chanced to look up at the night sky - Lo and Behold!

The constellation of Orion; each star scintillating! Resplendant! Set against the pitch blackness of the cool Californian night sky. There is something magical about travelling across the planet Earth, racing across a small strip of land in southern California, surrounded by mountains, and watching Orion and Sirius shine brightly at you through the pitch blackness, slowly sliding out of view, as the Sun prepares to rise in a few short hours....

What they don't teach you..........

The corporation! The cornerstone of industry today! It is a truly marvellous, stable structure! A well defined hierarchy, efficient processes, etc etc. What is the requirement for any stable structure? That's right - it should never be top heavy!

This is precisely the reason why managers necessarily must be the people who know the least! If they knew more than the folks at the bottom, the entire organization would be in jeopardy! The less you know, the higher you go!

However, this is not something easily achievable. Oh no! If it was, any half competent person would lead the organization. Nope, it's not that easy. Fortunately, we have the B-schools, the cradle of industry, the nursery of new talent!

How does a B-school work? Well, it is unlike any other educational institution anyone has ever attended! You see, all your life, you have been told how to do the job. Here's a place where they have to teach you how not to do the job. (Yield not to temptation!) Before you start laughing, it's not as easy as you think! It is a matter of undoing 16 years of "education".

Ever spoken to a person when they were at a B-school? What's the first thing you hear? "Hey, I'm busy, got a killer assignment! " etc etc. Why's that? 'Cos that's the first rule of management! It would never do for future managers to say, "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!".

For two years, these folks rush to class every morning, where they sit....and stare! Try doing it for two years - only then will you appreciate how tough it is! For, they are only shown the path, they must walk it themselves! After two years of sitting around doing nothing, somewhere along the line, realization dawns - "Aha!", they say, "Management!" (Nope, no nudist runs down the street, sorry)

However, as with most bastions of power, these are closely guarded secrets. Try asking a managerial student anything. Odds are you'll here a bunch of esoteric acronyms, with the rather explicit comment - "but you won't get it, you gotta be here to find out." Makes sense, doesn't it? If everyone realizes as a kid that by goofing off right from the beginning, they can blaze their way up the corporate ladder, there would be no one left to do the work!

The natural question that then arises - "Why are B-schools so expensive?" Think about it, wouldn't you be charging exorbetant amounts if it was your job to randomly knock on people's doors throughout the night so they don't get sleep?

What they don't teach you in History class...

OK, so it's a bad take on the title of a book. They say that you learn more in one mile of travel than you do after reading a thousand pages. And that, I have found, is absolutely true. History, it seems, has been widely misinterpreted over the ages. Here are a few facts that will make your head spin (in many senses of that phrase)

Misnomer: Colonialism was because the European powers wanted to expand their trade and commerce.


Fact: This is actually a well known rumor. The fact of the matter is that there were several reasons for colonization.

Firstly, you may wonder why it was that of the British Isles, only the English colonized the entire world, and why they, amongst the European powers were the most successful. The answer, is quite, "Elementary".

The Scottish, the Irish, and the Welsh did try their hand at colonization. However, the moment the Scottish ships started to play the bagpipes, Poseidon took it as a task unto himself to make sure that that infernal music was cut out immediately! Therefore, no Scottish ship ever made it out of the territorial waters of Scotland.

The Irish did try, bless those hardworking souls. But, then, there is only so far one can steer a ship on ten bottles of whisky.

The Welsh - well, frankly, who understands them.

The English, however, had the perfect, motivation. Yes, you guessed it! Food!
After a thousand years of eating bread and cheese, they were fed up. "Blimey!" some bright blighter must've yelled, "I'm tired of living in a place, where the delicacy is something called 'Spotted Dick with Custard'! ". (author's note: folks, I am NOT making this up!) Anyone who has ever tasted British cooking would certainly agree. And so, led by their stomach, they made a beeline for the culinary heartland of the planet.

The French were obviously disadvantaged here, as they could cook to save their lives. Their ultimate downfall lay in the fact that they spoke French. Enough said.
(This is also why people take Canada only half as seriously as they should. This is also why people in Quebec are well fed, whereas people in British Columbia are starving)



Misnomer: Columbus failed in his mission to reach India by sailing the other way

Fact: Columbus wasn't a fool. Unfortunately, his love for India was what led to his ultimate downfall. You see, Columbus did achieve his goal. It's just that he gave up half way. He got to the right place all right, but just to the wrong coast. Had he just travelled 2500 miles more west, he would've hit paydirt! Indians as far as the eye can see! (He could've swung an Indian, and hit two more Indians busy coding something). I am talking, of course, about California.

However, the fault is not entirely his. Reports are sketchy, but it is said that he was using some software written by a certain well known company from a far off land. Sources say that it was not documented properly...

Laundry

"Live life to the fullest!" , so the saying goes. Whoever said that must have definitely been living in their birthday suit. For, if there is one thing on Earth that is the great leveller, it is laundry.

The problem is not a new one. Adam and Eve, contrary to popular belief were not driven out of Eden by God because they ate the forbidden fruit. Oh no! In fact, apart from a few doctors, no one protested when they ate the apple. However, seven days later, even God could not stand the rather noisome fig leaves.

The problem of dirty laundry came very close to being solved twice in the past. The first was during the Indus Valley civilization, when, along with well planned cities and modern drainage systems, they also invented the washing machine. However, these were unusable.

Archimedes came close when realization dawned on him that "No laundry is better than dirty laundry!". However, his subsequent arrest (the first known case of a streaker) immediately discouraged people from following his path.

It was not until the early 20th century that the washing machines could be used. (This leads one to the humorous story of how the inventor of the washing machine ended up dying due to an infection caused by dirty laundry. But one should never wash another's dirty linen in public)

It was the United States mint which finally unleashed the true potential of the washing machine when they struck the first 4 quarters. For until then, the machines had had slots for quarters, but nothing to put into them. (This also immediately led to the first documented case of money laundering, and therefore, the great depression)

Today, millions of Americans work hard day in and day out, so that they may earn enough dollars to be able to buy quarters to get their laundry done. Money market enthusiasts would be surprised to learn that a quarter currently trades at the rate of five dollars.

Disaster in Japan

Well, disaster strikes in Japan! Schumi crashes out, while Alonso wins it. Frankly, I was extremely surprised that Felipe Massa didn't try to plow into Fernando Alonso at the start of the race and take him out of it. It would have been the perfect strategy, and would have ensured Schumi's eighth title. But, on we go to Brazil. Here's hoping that Massa ploughs Alonso out of the race in Brazil, and Schumi wins it!!!!!!!!!

Quiz Gratia Quizzing (A quiz for the love of Quizzing)

Took part in a most extraordinary quiz today. Thanks to the miracle of modern technology, due to the existence of teleconferencing (in spite of management folks ruining it), a quiz at Atlanta,Georgia was attended by one person from Austin,Texas and one from Sunnyvale,California.

To put things in persective, it was a quiz that spanned the breadth of the continental United States (a coast to coast hookup), 3 different Time Zones and roughly 2500 miles. Brilliant!

Fantastic trivia quizzing, with many innovative questions, which was a welcome relief. It meant more scratching of the heads, and more working things out. Extremely satisfying! With just one sitter in a suite of 60 questions, one of the best quizzes in some time!

(For the record, before "Armchair Michael Jordan" bites my head off - yours truly did come first)