Kryptonite

It was a sleepy Tuesday morning. I awoke with a spring in my step. Felt the need for some yummy dosas and chutney. Of course, I had never made them before.

I began with the chutney - a lip-smacking tomato-onion gunpowder type chutney. Of course, owing to beginners luck, it did not come out exactly as I had hoped, but it was edible.

Next, the dosas. Following the instructions on the packet, (and scrounging around for a flask which had a measure of volume on its side), I measured out 12 fluid oz. of liquid H2O to mix with the powder. However, the consistency seemed a little inconsistent to moi, so I decided to add more dosa powder, but, alas, there was none! "No Problem!" I thought, "let's just add the Idli powder - it must be the same anyway."

However, no matter how much I added, the consistency remained watery. "What the heck!" I thought to myself "It won't be that bad!".

But, alas! Everyone has their weakness - Superman had Kryptonite! Dosas, it seems, are mine! The result was a massacre, like playing Kumble on a bouncy turning track. No matter which way you scraped, all you got was small shreds of nothing!

What started out to be yummy, crispy dosas, turned out to be the "vegetarian" version of scrambled batter.

R.I.P. - dosas, we'll miss you :'(

The Family Sambhar

Well, it was Christmas yesterday. Of course, in this country you can get sued for saying that. "Happy Holidays" is what's "politically correct".

Made a traditional Christmas dinner! That's right! Vethakozhambu and Cauliflower vegetables. My first attempt at Vethakozhambu - and was pretty good - the same rocket fuel taste it is supposed to have!

This, combined with "Home Alone" made for an awesome time!

For the uninitiated, "vethakozhambu" is basically sambhar without the dal

Sambhar = Vethakozhambu + Dal

Basically, if Sambhar is the Sherlock of the family, then Vethakozhambu is the Mycroft - 7 years Sambhar's senior (in spiciness), and not so famous because it is rarely made, and if so, in small quantities. Next to it, Sambhar tastes almost sweet.

The basic Sambhar family "Pyramid of Spiciness" is something as follows:

1)Base - "Dal" (simple "waran" or with tadka - it pales in comparison to the remaining IMHO)

2)Next - "Sambhar" - The most famous member, and the Flagship, if you want to call it that

3) Vethakozhambu - Made properly, it is rocket fuel

4) Pulikachal - This may be considered a cousin of some sort. Have not yet been able to understand its intricacies.

I have absolutely no clue whatsoever

How arbit can you get. this is what might probably happen if these people were together at the time of the search for the philosopher's stone. God help us all! (and me, for writing this)


Yoda: Hmmm, interesting, this mirror is
Dumbledore: You like many before you have discovered the wonders of the Mirror of Erised
Yoda: Find, philosopher's stone, I must
Gollum: What'sssssss in its pocketsssessssssss?
Darth Vader: mmmmmhhhh.....mmmmmmhhhhhh I am not his Father
Gollum: look in itssss pocketssssesssssss, my precioussssssss!
Red Foreman: Dumass!
Dumbledore: you like so many before you..
Red Foreman: You say that once more and you'll receve a swift kick in the pants. Dumb-ass!!!!!
Darth Vader: mmmmmhhhhh....mmmmmmmmhhhhh I hope I'm not HIS father!
Gollum: pocketssesssss, pocketsssesss, pocketsssessss
Yoda: Interesting, this turn of events is



I plead the insanity defence

Beige

After quite a while, I have come to understand what "beige" is. It's apparently a kind of lightish brown or something. Now, why someone would decide to name it "beige" is just beyond me. Of course, "lilac", "lavender" are also concepts not in my purview.

The word "beige", however, conveys so much while saying so little!

"How're you feeling?"
"Beige"

"How was your exam?"
"Beige"

"What do you think of India's chances at the World cup?"
"They're Beige"

One is left pondering about the deep meaning behind these words. It's like ringing someone up and saying "T.S.Eliot" and hanging up.

It's just a beige sort of thing.

20 more

got tagged by Varsha. 20 pet peeves. here goes:

1) People without a sense of Humour. people who just don't get any sorta jokes! Sheesh!
2) Being stuck doing just one thing for real long periods of time. Can only do that with Quizzing/ TP with Friends. Otherwise, no subject can be interesting for so long!
3) People who are so interested in being esoteric for the sake of being esoteric. OK, so you listen to "Industrial" or something else - doesn't mean that there aren't other forms of music buddy!
4) Work, of any sort - Life should be legalized Hedonism!
5) People leaving the microwave on when it's done without hitting the "clear" button. Yeah, I know i'm nitpicking!
6) People telling me I should cut my hair - It's my frickin hair!!!!!
7) Harry potter movies - the only reason I watch them is to bitch about them constantly , and see how they've screwed it up this time!
8) People not knowing "Please", "Thank You" or "Excuse me". Man, how pathetic are you!!!!!
9) @#$%!*& who cut in front of the line at the ticket counter/ bus stop queue. They should be physically beaten in front of everyone! Seriously!
10) Shaving. Like someone pointed out, it's just a thankless job!
11) People pickin their noses on trains. Do I really need to elaborate?
12) People who come late!
13) People with total fraud accents, just to impress other people. I get that you may have to change your accent so some others can understand, or that sometimes you unconsciously change it, but just putting it on - damn annoying!
14) People wearing shoes inside the house (esp mine). I know it's personal choice, but it's just plain unhygenic.
15) Anyone pressuring me to drink. Listen bozo, take the hint, I don't want a pint!
16) The use of "loose" in place of "lose". Even TOI does it! Pathetic!
17) Any Arse-nal fan. No further explanation warranted, obviously!
18) Anyone (plaer/fan) giving up during a sports event. You just can't until the last play is over. Ever!
19) Lechers. Uggghhhh!!!!!!
20) Having to rack my brains to think up 20 pet peeves! Suddenly, I can't seem to recall any!

The Future of Examinations

Just finished a week of finals. 3 days, 3 exams - back to back. Fun? Err..., lesse.

As someone who must have given close to 300 exams in my life so far (don't worry, if you study long enough, you will too), I find it extremely surprising that no one has ever thought of changing the way exams are arranged. If they really want to motivate you to do well, this is what they should do:

The Scene: An Exam, circa 2010.
The Paper: CAT

As the candidate prepares to enter the examination hall, he is stopped at the entrance.
Cut to voice over and searchlights:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, this contest is scheduled for one Fall, with a winner take all policy."

Introducing, in this corner, the 25 time champion, the master of the 3-way disaster, the king of confusing options - I give you CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Imaginary crowd gives raucous roars, quickly drowned out by the boos)

"Aaand, now, introducing......the challenger - from Bombay, India, weighing in at 125 pounds (135.45873, if you count the bag, the pencil and the eraser), with a brain that has tackled many fine examinations before, *insert heroic sounding name here*."

Our hero enters to the tune of "Kashmir" by Led Zeppelin. (tada dan, tada dan, tada dan, tada dan.....).

The imaginary crowd is growing wild!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
More and more loud chants of approval!
Searchlights from all corners of the room in GTB, Chinchpokli, Bombay are focussed on our last hope! The pencil and eraser glint menacingly in the soft, cold light! Concentration is etched in the furrows of his forehead, as complex equations chase each other in his head, occasionally interrupted by vivid scenes of battles with Chengiz Khan.



Now, if they made examinations like this, don't you think the world would be a far better place? Definitely! And why stop there? Let's have live commentary as to what's happening - a line-by-line commentary if you will.

And, at the end of it all, the invigilator comes to you and raises your arm in victory.

Now, THAT'S an Examination!

20 things which you could have lived without knowing!

Me's been tagged by someone who is essentially michael Jordan without any of the skills, so here goes:

1. I love quizzing. There's something magical about being able to figure out an answer (or know it) - there just is!

2. I seem to be on Earth for 2 purposes - a) To eat Sambhar b) To make Sambhar
Since I've been doing the former for around two decades, I guess it's a good time to get started about the latter

3. I have this inasane ability to get up 5 minutes before the alarm clock rings. Don't know how, but always do, no matter how little I have slept. (See, aren't you feeling that your life is fulfilled after reading this?)

4. I like SitComs - especially Seinfeld (and too many others to name here). Jerry Seinfeld is simply the best stand-up comic. period!

5. The world's greatest batsman/cricketer/leader according to me is Steve Waugh. There is no other who can come close.

6. I supported Australia throughout that test series at home in 2001. Was bitterly disappointed after the result at Calcutta.

7. I'd like to do stand - up comedy one day (when I can be assured that everyone has a healthcare plan that safeguards them against my jokes)

8. I like books with a "mythology" behind them. Which is why Potter, LOTR etc. , are my all time faves. Tend to find "enlightening" books a bit of a bore.

9. The longest I have gone without cracking a PJ is roughly 3/4th of a year. (Of course, it was before I was born)

10. I like the travel part, it's the getting there that sucks!

11. My luck with women is only exceeded by Saurav Ganguly's luck with scoring runs, if you get my drift.

12. Would like to travel the world one day.

13. According to me Northern Ireland is one of the most beautiful places on Earth!

14. India's not a country, it's a state of mind. You gotta leave the country to find that out.

15. I'd definitely like to be taller. Especially after hanging around the person who tagged me! :D

16. I will listen to pretty much any kind of music - except, probably death metal.

17. I refuse to call them Mumbai, Chennai or Kolkota. It's always gonna be Bombay, Madras and Calcutta!

18. Will never understand techies. How you can rave about a comp config is simply beyond me.

19. Love the West Indian accent maan!

20. Apparently, I can also count to twenty! :D

A-ha! Now you have attained Nirvana! I know you are in a mode of quiet reflection, feeling happy that your life has finally found meaning! :P

The Eleventh Commandment

Never go shopping with women. If in doubt, shoot yourself in the foot, then decide. If still in doubt, try a bottle of arsenic, then decide. If still in doubt (or on earth), shoot yourself.

That's what I discovered when a few of us went shopping over Thanksgiving. It's not that I have anything against women, it's just that it is so damn frustrating to watch them shop.

This is probably what goes through a woman's mind while shopping:
"Will this turquoise top go with my fawn trousers. I don't think it'll go with my beige jacket - what do you think"

this is what a guy thinks:
Guy: "Jeans...grunt....blue....good. Shirt....pink....bad"

That's it. Snap decision. No point walking around a store a zillion times. Now you know why they call it "shop till you drop". Walking aimlessly around the same places time and time again - you've gotta be kidding!

So, if you have the misfortune of being stuck on such a shopping spree - my suggestion is to take a small book to while away the time: "War and Peace" and "A Suitable Boy" readily spring to mind. For the more optimistic ones amongst you - the Harry Potter collection is a good start.

The only thing worth buying according to me are - toys and food(In precisely that order). Clothes are just a pain. You've got to try them on, see if they match, see that you're not going to make an absolute ass of yourself wearing it. Too much pressure.

With toys - its easy - I like it, I get it. Which is why a Lego set is ALWAYS a good present for a guy at any age. (Someone actually gave me one when I was 16!). If its fancy, its good. Food - that's one decision made by by an organ below the neck for sure. (The stomach - what were you thinking?).

Of course, food shopping here can be a touch annoying - the number of decisions to be made is just staggering. But that's another story.